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Is it common for couples to have issues after lifestyle events?
March 22, 2017
9:57 am
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bija
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I read where someone wrote on the forum here (I forget the topic) that they liked this forum because they feel people were very honest.
It's not honest for people to act like swingers have these perfect lives and they are always happy and nothing bothers them.
Swingers do not have perfect relationships and I am wondering how often the lifestyle causes problems between couples. What are the issues that swingers have in the lifestyle?

March 22, 2017
4:09 pm
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texascpl
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I agree that it's pretty near impossible to believe that every couple who swings doesn't go home angry from time to time. The thing that we tend to fight over most often is when the husband really wants to get with a certain couple and the wife is not onboard only because she doesn't like the other woman. She doesn't have a problem with the guy so it gets my goat. She doesn't have to play with the girl, thats my thing! I cant' stand when she does that and it always leads to an argument.

May 3, 2017
8:59 am
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ari
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We have definitely had some bad nights where the drive home is not pleasant. I'm never sure if it isn't a by product of too much alcohol though my wife says it is not. There have been arguments many times and I would say it usually feels like a jealousy issue. I'm not as much a fighter as she is (don't tell her that). Sometimes she will be upset because she felt I paid too much attention to another woman and she felt left out. That seems to be the main issue surrounding our fights. Of course, I don't think I do that.

May 3, 2017
9:31 am
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Anthony
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I would find it hard to believe that every couple in the lifestyle can't relate to this question. We do not have fights on a regular basis but we have certainly had our share of blow ups on the ride home! Sometimes we don't make it to the car! If someone was sitting in the back seat listening it would be a case of he said, she said because whatever we fight about we are not agreeing on. When you are having these types of relationships with others, sexual or not, there is bound to be conflicts. Some of our flights can last for days!

May 3, 2017
4:35 pm
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Linda
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My husband and I made a pact before we entered a swing club for the first time. If it ever caused any friction between us we would leave the lifestyle immediately. There have no doubt been moments when one of us may have wanted to react to something we did not like but in the back of our minds we know it will be our last time. That seems to help us decide right there on the spot if it is worth starting an argument over.

Works like a charm!

May 4, 2017
1:35 pm
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crayola34
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Holy alcohol batman! Who hasn't had a fight after a lifestyle event at some point?! Isn't that part of the equation? I have seen fist fights, I have seen a man slap a woman across the face and I have seen a wife leave her husband at a swing club. That's not to say that it happens every time people swing but I think emotions can run high in this arena. If people are telling you it doesn't happen they are flat out lying to you!

May 4, 2017
4:19 pm
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bija
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I appreciate the honesty folks! I am still curious to hear what it is that couples are actually fighting about. Jealousy seems to be one of the issues and yet every time you read about swingers, they swear up and down they do not get jealous. What gives? Jealous about what?

May 4, 2017
6:07 pm
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saxobeat
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I can tell you that most couples have "rules" of some sort. No kissing, no intercourse, no anal, whatever. When one of the couple breaks that rule, there can be trouble. I have seen that happen before.

May 4, 2017
6:15 pm
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Vanessa
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I was in a relationship a few years ago and my man was very controlling. When we entered a swing club he would check out all the women. When he saw someone he was interested in he thought it was my job to "get the couple". If I couldn't make it happen he would be angry with me for the rest of the night. Sometimes the anger would last for days after. Obviously I got tired of this and ended the relationship. To say that people in the lifestyle don't have issues is ridiculous, you might not always see it but I know it exists.

May 5, 2017
11:32 am
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dallas
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My boyfriend and I have some pretty clear boundaries regarding what works for us. We have never had any issues but we have seen other couples having problems. I can't say for sure what ignited the fire but couples can get very angry!

May 31, 2017
6:58 am
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LaciDan
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I think if we are going to be honest, jealousy can be a problem for many people in the lifestyle. Even couples who have been swinging for a long time are prone to times where they are jealous. If you truly love your partner, even if you say you love to see them with someone else, I think there are still times where something about it can bother you. I believe that is the main reason for fights or arguments. That and of course alcohol!

June 1, 2017
8:43 am
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bija
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LOL. I think alcohol has the ability to turn anything into a fight! Whiskey can be a mean son of a bitch!

June 20, 2019
4:42 pm
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Hope212
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I have to agree that we have met our share of couples in the lifestyle who claim they never have any issues. We have also met vanilla couples who claim they never argue or fight. I think they are all FOS. While we don't fight often, tensions tend to run high on occasion. What do we fight about? More often than not it is one person feeling like the other was not as attentive as the other would like. Be it while socializing over drinks or in the playroom. Often a drunken misunderstanding.

June 21, 2019
8:21 am
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Samis
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This response might get sticks thrown at me but we never have issues because of the lifestyle. The kids, her parents, the cat, our neighbors, religion, you name it and we can argue about it. But, we swing for fun and that is all. When we stop having fun and start arguing, we will quit.

June 21, 2019
10:10 am
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Vanessa
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I'm throwing a log at you Samis! Come on, never an issue? We all swing for fun but let's face it, there are many reasons people might have situations that they don't agree on.

I suppose if you are new to the lifestyle or have not spent much time at parties or events then this is a possibility. I have a friend who used to tell me they never had any arguments while swinging. Guess who stormed out of a party this weekend and was ready to leave her husband there?

It is normal for couples to have arguments or disagreements about many things. When we put ourselves in these vulnerable positions how can we expect never to have any misunderstandings?

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