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I need some help!
November 19, 2018
8:55 am
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Vanessa
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I am wondering how people feel about this:

You’ve been with the same person for 2 years, not married but committed. You are swingers but strictly play together. A situation comes up (unintended) where you have sex without the other person. Should you tell them? I’m dying of guilt but our relatioship is built on trust and I know this will be a big issue. What would you do? Tell or forget about it to keep the peace?

November 19, 2018
9:37 am
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LaciDan
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Is this something that happened in a swinging environment? As in: you’re at a private party and ducked into a room with someone for a quickie?

November 19, 2018
11:49 am
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texascpl
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This causes some confusion on my part. Swingers are usually the last ones to cheat simply because they don’t need to. What happened?

November 19, 2018
2:43 pm
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crayola34
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Interesting dilemma… Most people will quickie say “tell him, be honest”. The problem is that you probably want to tell him to clear your conscience. The problem with that is that you feel better and he feels horrible. It doesn’t solve anything so I’m not sure what is to be gained by mentioning it. On the other hand, I do believe in honesty in a relationship so this makes it complicated. I assume it was a man that you played with because if it was a woman that would be too easy.

Can you give us a little more information? Were you away? Was he away? How did this happen? (Not to be nosy but to be more helpful). Wink

November 22, 2018
10:04 am
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Vanessa
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If it had happened at a swinger event it would be less difficult to talk to tell him about. I went out with an old friend (female) and she brought along another friend from the old days (male). We went out drinking and the weather turned very bad while at the bar. She lives nearby so she invited us back to her house to wait for the weather to clear up. Long story short, we drank too much and she initiated with me. We ended up in a threesome on the floor of her living room!

November 24, 2018
7:17 am
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Anthony
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Now that’s hot! I’d be happy as hell if my wife came home and told me a story like that! If you guys are swingers why is this an issue?

November 25, 2018
9:55 am
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crayola34
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I get it, you had sex without him and didn’t tell him right away. Now what? If I take the place of your partner, I would not know this ever happened. I wouldn’t be upset because I just wouldn’t be aware of it. Is this woman someone you see often? Is there a risk that she will tell other people about it? If there is the possibility that he could hear about it from someone else then obviously I would tell him today. If not, there’s no real reason to tell him. Although I like to be honest, in this case nothing positive will happen if you tell him now.

November 27, 2018
4:01 pm
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Copter00
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How long ago did this happen? I think if too much time has passed it’s better to forget about telling him. I agree that it will make you feel better and make him feel worse. Or, tell him what happened and open a dialogue about boundaries as swingers?

December 3, 2018
9:11 am
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Vanessa
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Thank you for your help! This was the weekend after Halloween so at this point I’m nervous because it was over a month ago. I’m still really conflicted over whether or not to tell him. I agree that it seems pointless at this time but I’m struggling with this.

December 3, 2018
2:44 pm
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Phil Bonaparte
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The truth deals involves your past; a “lie” involves your future.

Our internal compass is usually a good indicator of things so if you feel bad about it then just tell him.

It sucks (and will suck), but you BOTH can work through it as oppose to you having this cloud over you and the relationship for the rest of forever.
I don’t know. I personally would rather tell the truth and, if the worst came about, come out of it knowing we had an honest relationship than keeping a relationship that is not….and statistics show that it will happen again if you’re not upfront the first time.

December 4, 2018
7:27 am
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Linda
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It often confuses me when I hear stories such as these. Here you are in a relationship where you are both sexually free when you are together yet instead o embracing this, you went behind his back. I realize this was not something that you programmed but why not show some restraint? If you were feeling it and went with it, why not tell him right away? Be honest and tell him, it’s the only way for you to move past this. Nobody would be happy to learn that their significant other lied to them. People say , “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him” but in this case it is hurting you both. Most swingers know that we have sex for the pleasure but it does not mean that we feel love for the people we play with. In this case that seems obvious and he should understand the faux pas. Good luck!

January 10, 2019
9:21 am
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Vanessa
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Sorry it took so long for me to come back and tell you what happened. I appreciate everyone’s feedback and really considered each response.
I told him. Yup, I sat him down one night (with some scotch) and told him exactly what happened. I should really make you guess how he responded, that would be fun! I won’t do that to you.
He TOTALLY understood! He couldn’t understand why I waited so long to tell him and that made him feel bad. As for the event itself, he didn’t think it was a big deal, actually was a little turned on by it. Gotta love swingers!

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