If you don’t swing, why are you hanging around a swing club?

GROUP CLUBAs I mentioned in a previous blog, swing clubs are trending.  That in of itself can be a good or bad thing.  What has become a problem is that due to the rise in popularity of swing clubs, it has attracted a great number of couples who are simply not swingers.  Why then, do they spend their time in a swing club?  As others have pointed out, if you do not play golf you would not hang around a golf course, if you don’t eat sushi, you don’t seek out sushi restaurants, etcetera.  Why then, if you don’t swing would you hang around a swing club?

Apparently, there are many couples who enjoy the atmosphere of swing clubs and that is a big reason they spend time there.  There are, without a doubt, some couples who have discovered what a great deal swing clubs are compared with an evening out on the town, but that doesn’t seem to be the real reason that these couples continue to come back week after week.
It seems there are many couples who enjoy the lifestyle but they do not actually swing at all.  They are not soft swap or same room or anything else.  They are monogamous couples who have no interest or desire to experiment with any form of swinging.  Why then, are they hanging around swing clubs?  Apparently, these are couples who like the lifestyle atmosphere and love the sexual energy that comes along with it.  These couples describe themselves as sexually open when compared with their vanilla friends and were looking for something a little more edgy than a regular night club.  These couples said they love the sexy clothing, the intimate conversations and the provocative dancing.  It was liberating for them to talk openly with other couples about sex and they love to be able to touch each other publicly without judgement.  Many couples said they have gone into the back room to watch and some have played alone in a private room.  They are not open to other couples touching them but they do not mind if people watch them having sex.
Many swingers do not feel these couples should  be in a swing club for the simple reason that they are not swingers.  They feel that over the past few years there have been so many couples like this spending time in their clubs that it frustrates them.  Several couples voiced that they do not appreciate spending an evening getting to know a new couple only to find out that they are not swingers at all.  I asked if it would help if these non swingers were up front at the beginning of the night about their lack of intention and although the swingers felt they should feel obligated to do this, they still felt they don’t belong there.  It is very easy to understand the frustration of swingers but perhaps they are being a little too harsh.  After all, not everyone who is in a swing club is on the same page.  It is possible to meet a couple who swings but they won’t be on the same page you are.  Perhaps she only plays with girls and he only likes to watch or maybe they only play in separate rooms and you only play side by side.  There are so many different scenarios that could be a deal breaker when trying to find another couple to swing with, maybe this is just another couple that doesn’t fit with you.  There are many couples who attend swing clubs who simply like to watch.  They party up front, then head to the back and either sit quietly on the couch watching others play or they walk around to see what others are doing.  When they have seen enough, they get dressed and go home.  These couples are voyeurs, yet we have become accustomed to seeing them and accept them for the way they are.  Are they swingers?  I don’t think they are yet I have witnessed quite a few couples like this in swing clubs over the years.
It is easy to understand both sides of this equation; on the one hand, there are couples looking for something that can only be found in a swing club environment and on the other are the swingers who would like to feel that they are amongst themselves.  I suppose the best way to handle this is for swingers to come right out and ask when they find themselves spending time with another couple in a club.  This would eliminate any potential problems later in the evening.  If it makes the other couple uncomfortable, there is your answer because swingers won’t shy away from the question.
I do believe that many of these couple who are “not swingers” may become swingers over time.  When you first spend time in a swing club, you are hypersensitive to everything you see.  Watching others touching in public, taking off their clothing in the locker room, walking around in towels, having sex in the back room.  It is so new to you that it is hard to imagine you will ever be able to do this.  However, like anything else, you become desensitized after a while and think nothing of it.  The first time someone else touches you or kisses you is so foreign, yet after a few times it seems natural.  I suppose with non swingers, over time, they too, will slowly become curious and before they know it, they too, will be swinging.  For this reason, it is best for swingers to be patient and give them time to catch up; we were all new at one time.

 

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