Our lifestyle keychain attracts a couple at a valet stand in Chicago!

Swinger with Partners ID lifestyle keychain

 

Hello Partners ID,

It is with great pleasure that we write to you to tell you about our very good luck with your swinger jewelry!  Here is our story:

Not long ago, my husband threw a surprise swinger party to celebrate my birthday.  Each person was asked to bring a swinger related gift to the party. It was a wonderful idea because it forced people to be creative.  The gifts ranged from dildos and lingerie to swinger jewelry.  Some were beautiful and some were very funny. The party reminded me of a baby shower where I sat and opened each gift.  Guessing who each gift was from was part of the fun.

Without a doubt, my favorite gifts were from Partners ID!  Three different gifts were from your company! One was a beautiful black purse, one a beautiful necklace and the third was a gold key chain with diamond crystals. Each of these gifts are special and I love them!

Not long after the party we went out to a very trendy restaurant with some vanilla friends. We valet parked our car and spent the evening dining and having fun with some long time friends of ours. After dinner was over, we went outside, said our goodbyes and waited for the valet to bring our car.

Upon entering the car we noticed there was a folded paper on the dashboard. Thinking the valet had left it there by mistake, we tried to hand it back to him.  He told us some friends of ours had asked him to leave the note in the car for us.

My husband and I looked at each other and I opened the note. It simply said, “We saw your keychain and asked the valet to leave you this note.” We are _____ from SDC.  This was such a wonderful surprise!  The note was so cleverly written so that the valet would never understand, but we knew right away! Luckily we are on SDC!

As soon as we arrived home, we rushed to the computer to look up their profile. We sent them a message and went to sleep.  The next morning, like kids on Christmas, we raced downstairs.  The computer was left open to SDC and we checked to see if they had responded. They had!

That was a few months ago and we have been out with them quite a few times. We never realized how clever the keychain was until this happened! I thought we would meet people simply because they would see me holding it! We now valet park more frequently than in the past!

Thank you for these wonderful times that we would never have shared with these people if it were not for the jewelry (and handbag that I love)!

Hugs and kisses from Chicago!
xox
Lori and Marc

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Why should we wear lifestyle jewelry? Is it really necessary?

 

Swingers on beach wearing Partners ID jewelry

Before Partners ID was born, my husband and I had been in the lifestyle for many years.  Some of our favorite lifestyle activities included going to  swing clubs and a local nude beach.  We traveled to Desire and Hedo and had ventured out on a lifestyle cruise.  At times we checked out swinger dating sites for private party information and to meet other swingers online.  

Regardless of the fact that we knew where to go to meet swingers, something was missing. We have always been proud to be in the lifestyle but we also practice discretion.   It is clear to us that there are many benefits to being in the lifestyle but most vanilla couples cannot understand this.  Most people are not open to the concept of swinging.  For this reason, most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.

At times we would wonder about couples we would spot on the nude beach.  Quite often, we would spot an attractive couple and try to figure out if they were swingers. It occurred to us that other than flat out asking them, there was really no way to know for sure if they were in the lfiestyle. 

Not long after we had started to think about this, we took a trip to Cap D’agde, the naturist resort in France.  This community boasts as many as 50,000 visitors during their busiest times of year.  While the majority of people who visit are nudists, Cap D’agde also attracts many swingers.  During the summer months, Cap D’Agde reports that they can host upwards of 10,000 swingers at certain times.  Although that sounds like a lot, it is only about 1/5 of the population at the resort.

One thing about this is very important to understand.  While swingers can also be nudists, most naturists are not swingers.  More importantly, many naturists are as opposed to swingers as many vanilla couples are.  That creates some difficulty in an environment such as this.  Swingers are all excited to mingle and meet others in the lifestyle, but how can they decipher who the swingers are without asking?

It was at this point that we started to realize that something very important was missing from the lifestyle.  Swingers needed something to identify themselves to each other without alerting everyone around them.  A symbol that was designed only for this purpose.  It had to be too complicated to google yet easy to spot.  

The decision was made to do something about this problem while on the beach in Cap D’Agde.  There were 3 couples involved:  one American couple, one French couple and one Australian couple.  If there was a simple pendant that we could wear, that would identify us to others and others to us, this very vacation would have been so much better!  

This concept made us think about other aspects of our lives.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could meet other swingers in a local bar, at a grocery store, at a sporting event?  There would no longer be any reason to constantly wonder if other people were swingers.  

Since its inception, customers have written us hundreds of emails.  They relate stories of how they have met others swingers because of the jewelry. Each note always says the same thing:  “We would never have met these people if it wasn’t for the jewelry.”  That is exactly why it was created. 

Now imagine if everyone in the lifestyle wore this pendant….

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  

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A unicorn explains why she is in the lifestyle and what she is looking for.

 

 

 

Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry
Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.

Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.  At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain.  Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!

Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name).  I was busy and did not look at the return email address.  As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it.  To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick.  Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.

When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches.  For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work.  When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc.  The company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.

I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.

When I started swinging, I was not alone.  My boyfriend and I spent at least two night each week in our local swing club.   I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.

I am not soured by this nor do I hate men.  Right now, I am wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.

When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past.  My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment.  We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.

My first night out alone was a little bit scary.  Naturally, I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women.  Although I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship, would other people know that?  I had never really known any unicorns but had heard some women speaking poorly of them in the past.  The last thing I wanted was for people to think I had some ulterior motives for spending time in a swing club.

For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms.  One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).

The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward.  I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there.  It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room.  After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties.  Then men started asking me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town.   Although I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this, I have always declined the offers.   Whereas I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice.  It was hurtful when I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.

I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.”  I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun.  I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women.  I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle.  It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others.  You just show up and hang with the people who are there.  You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight.  I can go home and sleep alone in my bed.  Nobody to answer to.  I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am.  I can do what I want with no strings attached.

If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn.  The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them.  We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger.  If I want to be with a couple, no problem.  If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice.  The best part for me is that I leave alone.

I am not looking for a boyfriend, husband or anything else; just a good time.  That’s it, that’s all.  Obviously I cannot speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals.  Over time I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club. We are definitely not all on the same page.  Personally, I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve.  Most of the other girls have no problem with that.

I  will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission.  I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome.  Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules.  They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do.  They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.

I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club.  We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say.  If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem.  I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women.  If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure.  Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple.  Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game.  Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention.  Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle.  Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.

Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club.  Why the double standard?  It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns.   Perhaps it would surprise people to hear that I am looking for sex just like they are.  It just so happens tothat I prefer the no strings attached variety.  I don’t want you to call me in the morning.  Really, I don’t.  More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again.  It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been.  I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am.  Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine.  The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.

I do like to try new things and am very open minded.  Sometimes that seems to make some women feel  a little threatened.  I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person.  When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now.  Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.

People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own.  It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself.  When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club.  Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows.  For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.

 

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An honest blog from a unicorn; you may be surprised by this!

 

We asked unicorns to please help others in the lifestyle to understand (honestly) why they are in the lifestyle and what they are looking for.  Here is one very honest answer.  It might surprise some people to read!

For those of you who are not familiar with the term, a unicorn refers to a single woman who swings.  They are hard to find in the lifestyle but are a curiosity to many people.  People seem to always want to know what brings a single woman into the lifestyle.

Here is her story:

I was married for 6 years and for 3 of those years my husband and I were in the lifestyle. Although we were happily married, we parted ways because he got a job overseas.   I could not bear to move there and leave my family behind.  My parents were not in good health and I am an only child. We are still friendly and perhaps one day we will reunite.

This is how I became a unicorn. As I live fairly close to the swing club my husband and I used to frequent, it was natural for me to return after he left.  I spend at least one or two nights a week in the club. Many people at this club were friends with us as a couple  so it is easy for me to be there alone. I love to dance and for the small price I pay, I have a full buffet dinner and breakfast. Can’t beat that!

There are a few reason why I remained in the lifestyle.  First of all, it is something that has been a part of my life for the past 5 years. Three of them during my marriage, 1 of them as part of a couple and now for this passed year, alone.

What am I looking for? First of all, as I mentioned, I like to dance. If I am being totally honest, sure, I hope to meet a man. Do I want to break up a marriage? No, of course not, but if the marriage is not stable to begin with, I have no control over that. There are married men who ask for my number and express an interest in seeing me outside of the club. It is palpable how many of you are waiting for me to respond absolutely not, I would never do that, but that would not be the truth.

The truth is I sometimes give out my number, it totally depends on the man and his situation. You can see which couples are connected when you are in a swing club. Some are clearly together but they do not really have a relationship. I know some women reading this will accuse me of creating a problem between a couple but the way I see it, it is the husband who is creating the problem. If he wasn’t with me, he would be with someone else. He is the one who is not being faithful.

I have no real interest in being “the other woman”. In the lifestyle, I am so desirable to couples and singles that if I accepted every offer for every party, event, sleepover, you name it, I would be busy 7 nights a week. It is a lot of fun to be the center of attention. I know when I am dancing, all male eyes are on me. Not because I am the most attractive woman, but because I am available and there is no puzzle to solve with matching spouses to each other.

You asked for honesty and I am trying to be completely honest. I am really looking to find someone to be in a relationship with and that is why I am in the lifestyle. Couples sometimes invite me for private weekends and If I am available, I go. Why not? It’s a free vacation and a chance for me to get to know the man more intimately. If his wife knows she can’t trust him, why does she go along with it? If she doesn’t realize what he is really looking for, the question is why doesn’t she know?

Although I do play with both men and women, I am not really bisexual. I go along because as a unicorn this is required. If I were to say I only play with men, I would not be so popular! There are a few other unicorns that frequent this swing club and we all try to be friendly with each other. We establish our territory in terms of who we prefer to end up with at the end of the night. For the most part, unicorns try to respect each other. We often dance together because that too, attracts a lot of attention.

I am not a bad person, just a bit lonely. I am looking for love just like anybody else. Going to a bar or a regular club feels less safe to me. Taking strange men home is always a risk and one that I prefer not to take. The swing club that I go to is on premise, which allows me to play there and go home alone (although, not always alone). I have met single men in the club but for some reason they seem a little bit less safe to me. It seems many of them are married as well.
Hopefully soon, I will meet a man and will no longer be a unicorn!  Although many will deny it, I think most unicorns feel the same way!

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Have you ever been sure another couple swings but did not want to ask?

Woman at barbecue with swingers necklace

Hi Partners ID,

This story should help others realize why this jewelry is important.  Everyone in the lifestyle spends so much time trying to find other swingers.  Half the time, they are right under your nose, you just don’t realize it!

My wife and I are big football fans.  Having both grown up in the same state, we are fortunate to root for the same team. Our three boys are also very big fans of the sport as well.  For years we had 5 season tickets and never missed a game.  We tailgated before every game and never left before it was over. 

Now that our sons are grown and have lives of their own, it is just the two of us attending games.  We still enjoy tailgating and have met many people over the years who do the same.  

Here’s the part you are waiting for.  As we have met many couples over the years at football games, we have had our suspicions  about which ones might be in the lifestyle.  Although we have always prided ourselves on having an ability to pick out the swingers, this was not a place we wanted to take the chance.  We tried dropping hints, using the term vanilla, etc., but no bites from any of the couples we suspected.   It got to the point that my wife wanted to simply ask two of the couples.  She was so sure that they were both in the lifestyle.  I begged her not to out us to this group just in case she was wrong.

Many couples at our local swing club wear Partners ID jewelry.  Having admired it for so long, we decided to each buy a piece.  As we know by now, most swingers are aware of your jewelry and so we decided to wear ours to a football game.  We made sure it was easy for other people to see it during the tailgating party.  We made it a point to speak with all the couples we had suspected might be in the lifestyle.  Nothing!  I had a moment when someone admired it but I realized it was just a compliment and nothing more.  It seemed pretty obvious that these couples were probably not swingers. 

During the game, I left my wife to go the restroom.  When I returned, a woman was sitting in my seat chatting with my wife.  When she saw me she jumped up.  She took out her cellphone and handed it to my wife, who inputted her number and said we would be in touch.  My wife introduced me to the woman before she quickly returned to her own seat.  

Guess what, she saw the jewelry!  They have had the seats a few rows in front of us for 7 years and had often waved to us.  Although, prior to today, we had no way of knowing, they are swingers!  

We did meet them for drinks the following weekend and they are a super couple. It turns out, this couple noticed us about 5 years ago.  They had no idea we were in the lifestyle and had no intentions of ever asking.  It was the jewelry that told them that we are swingers!  There is no question that we will see them again soon.

The most unfortunate part of this story is that it made us think about all of the missed opportunities.  Obviously this is not the only time we have been around other swingers and simply had no way of knowing.  

We now wear it everyday and look forward to discovering who else we have been overlooking all of this time!

Thanks for listening!

Warmest wishes,

David and Kate

Miami, FL

See the beautiful jewelry David and Kate were wearing here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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This is an actual email we received from a customer who wears our jewelry.

countrycouple      Hello Partners ID!

My husband and I wanted to touch base with you to thank you for developing this jewelry.  It has had a huge impact on our lives and I will tell you how.

We both grew up in a very small town in a very rural area.  I’ve know John since I was in the third grade and we grew up being boyfriend and girlfriend.  We went to prom together and everything.  When we turned 17 we got married because I was pregnant.  Having lived in the same area our whole lives we never had to go out and meet people because they was the same people we knew from grade school.  We did get into swinging a few years ago with some friends and we loved it right from the start.  John lost his job last year because the factory shut down so we had to move a few states away.  Our group where we were living had bought jewelry for all the girls so we had kind of our own type club.

I been wearing the necklace everyday since I got it and nobody ever asked me what it was.  I got some compliments on it but thats all.  When we moved we had to go to open school night for our son.  We had been living here for a few months and hadn’t met anybody since we got here.  We sat down in this big auditorium for the presentation and the woman sitting next to me looks at my necklace and tells me she got the same one.  Right there we all knew!  We have been friends with them ever since and have gone out many times.  Without that necklace we never would of met them!  They took us to their party and now we have many friends in the lifestyle!

We are so grateful because without the necklace we would still be lonely!  Our group wants to buy the jewelry for all the ladies like we  did before.  This is the best idea ever and we wanted to thank you for helping make swingers easier to find!

God Bless!

Jenny and John

(used with permission)

Swingers finding swingers while having a drink at a bar!

IMG_2925

We get a lot of email from our customers, which we appreciate greatly!  We obviously cannot publish every letter we receive but this couple asked us to share their story:

Hello Partners ID!

First of all I want to say that my wife and I have been fans of your company since we first heard about you.  As I am sure many others did when they learned of your company, we wondered why it took this long for someone to actually develop a symbol strictly for swingers.   It seems like a no-brainer yet nobody has ever done it before so, bravo to you!

We purchased a couple of necklaces a few months ago, which we love, and put them on our necks.   About 3 weeks after we started to wear them we were traveling to see my wife’s parents down south.  We do not like to stay with them so we checked into a hotel not far from where they live.  The first night we arrived late so we decided rather than disturbing them we would just grab a bite somewhere near the hotel and wait until morning to see them.   The concierge at the hotel recommended a bar within walking distance of the hotel, so off we went for dinner.

The place had a decent crowd so we figured the food must be good.  My wife and I waited at the bar for a table, and soon the hostess came to get us.  The hostess told us that it would be no problem to just put the bar tab on our food bill.  With that, we followed her to the table.   A few minutes after sitting down, the hostess came back to our table to inform us that a couple at the bar had paid our bar tab.  We were shocked because we did not know anyone there and we don’t live nearby.  She then pointed to an attractive couple sitting across the bar from where we were sitting.   The hostess then handed me a piece of a napkin which was folded in half.  The note was from the couple,  it read, “We love your necklaces.”

We couldn’t believe it!  WOW!  We waved them over to the table and the rest is history!  We had a wonderful night with them and have been in touch ever since.   They are planning to come and stay with us soon and we are really looking forward to that!

So again, Bravo!  Well done!  We really weren’t sure we would ever find someone with the jewelry but we did!  The funny thing is, the other couple did not have the jewelry but they knew what it was.  As you know, we just purchased 2 necklaces and are planning to surprise them with the jewelry when they come to visit.

Thank you again Partners ID!

David and Vicki

North Potomac, MD

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

 

 

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These swingers met under unusual circumstances!

Dear Partners ID,

We love to read your stories about how swingers have met other swingers because of your jewelry.  We always hoped we would have a story of our own to share.  Guess what?  Now we do!

My husband bought us both a piece of jewelry a few months ago when you were selling the jewelry at a swing club.  We did get a chance to meet both of you and you couldn’t have been nicer or more helpful.  You might remember us because I purchased a one of kind bracelet with gold and diamond pieces floating in an intricate pattern.  It’s really beautiful and I get a lot of compliments on it.   Anyway, we both wear our jewelry whenever we go out socially but generally not when we are around family.

We were at a lifestyle event last night and were enjoying a wonderful evening when my husband got a phone call alerting us that his father was ill and was on his way to the emergency room.  We rushed out of the party, jumped in the car and headed toward the hospital.  His parents live close by so the ride was only about 15 minutes long.  Luckily, I always bring a change of clothing in the car (just in case) so I changed while he raced through the streets to get there.

We pulled in to the Emergency Room parking lot and ran inside to find his mom.  Fortunately it was not very serious and  his dad would be ok.  His mom insisted that we stay with her at the hospital until he was taken up to his room to rest for the evening.  I stayed with his mom while my husband went in search of some coffee.

It felt like he was gone forever, but when he finally returned, he was with a doctor whom I assumed was his dad’s doctor.  He did not bring him over to introduce us, which I thought was very odd.  His mom was busy reading a magazine so she didn’t notice the interaction with the doctor and my husband.   My husband then came over and sat down.  He  said nothing.  He looked over at me with a smirk on his face and I was completely confused.

When they finally took his dad upstairs to a room, his mom went to check on him before we left.  As soon as she walked away, my husband grabbed my hand and said come with me I have someone who wants to meet you.  I looked at him like he was crazy but got up and followed him down the hall.  We went into the cafeteria and he walked over to the doctor he had been speaking with earlier.

He introduced him to me and immediately the doctor reached over and fondled my bracelet in his hand.  “I love this one,” he was saying, and with that reached into his scrub top and pulls out a gold chain with the pendant.  We all laughed and he sent his wife a text to come downstairs.  She is a nurse who works at the same hospital.  Long story short, we have become good friends with them and are planning to be at a party together next weekend.

When you say the concept is simple it is so true!  Without the jewelry, we would have had no reason to meet them or speak with them.  Even if we did, swinging would never come up in conversation!  We believe a lot of people own the jewelry, but as I mentioned to the doctor, if it is inside your shirt, how would we ever know you are wearing it!

I’m sure we speak for many people in the lifestyle when we say thank you for doing this.  This is something that has been missing for too long.

Hope everything is going well for you!

xoxo Debbie and Brian

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Dick vs. Brain; Which organ rules when swinging?

                             brain vs. dick

(We should warn you that this article is tongue in cheek.  This blog is written with a sarcastic overtone and should not be taken seriously!)

It makes me laugh when I hear women discuss how their husbands behave in a playroom at a swing club or any other swinging environment. Anything they discuss with their significant other prior to swinging, goes right out the window. No matter how hard they try to drop subtle hints to their significant other , the man seems oblivious. The problem is most notable in the play area of swing clubs or private parties.  It seems men are in total control until they get an erection Why is this?

Quite possibly, this problem can be explained like this:  As a man gets an erection, there is an increase in blood flow to the penis.  This blood must come from somewhere, right?  Perhaps the brain is depraved of the blood due to the redirecting of this needed blood to the penis.  As his respiration rate increases due to heavy bleeding, the brain is now also incurring a lack of sufficient oxygen.  This clouds his ability to think clearly.  How can we hold men accountable when their bodies are under such duress?  Their now throbbing dick has caused their brain to slow down.

Sounds like I have a problem with men, right? Actually, I don’t. I was reading a long forum thread on a website discussing this. Believe it or not, this was a man’s analysis of what occurs. He was begging forgiveness for all men, for the way they sometimes behave when they are excited. He asked his playmates and significant other to forgive:

His lack of overt interest in her because his erection required more attention than she.

He asked forgiveness for spending way more time using his mouth on her (rarely have I heard a woman complaining about this) but he was trying to become erect

Paying too much attention to his wife or girlfriend; it helps him to be more excited.

For never noticing that his wife was not interested in playing with his beautiful playmate’s husband.

For not noticing that the other man could not get an erection. He was too busy with the beautiful playmate he was with.

For allowing his dick to be in charge of both his mind and his body.

He went on to explain that he really cares about both the woman he arrives at the club and the woman he plays with.  His dick, from what he says, is the one in charge. Once they enter the back room, his brain has stopped trying to be in control because he learned early on that it was a useless battle.

I replied to his response and asked him if this only applies to the playroom or does this have something to do with his behavior in the bar area of a club. His honesty is refreshing and quite funny. The man wrote that his brain is in complete control before his clothing is removed. The problem seems to begin when he sees a woman that he is attracted toAt this point, control between his brain and dick .   it can become a tug of war.  He has discovered his dick is usually victorious over his brain.

He told me that when he and his wife started swinging, it was a huge issue. More often than not, they left the club or party in a fight. He felt bad about it but did not think he was the one to blame. It seemed to him that his wife was the one with the problem and he was a victim.

He took to the forum on a swinging site and started asking others for their opinion. After a while he realized that most people were giving him the same advice: communicate with your wife and find out what’s really bothering her. Start the conversation immediately after you leave the party (or club).

After their next evening out swinging, as soon as they got into the car, he turned to his wife.  He asked her if he had done something wrong. The first thing she brought up was their secret code. It is a word that they use to indicate whether or not the person has interest in a potential playmate.  Apparently my wife used the word 3 times that evening to indicate that she was not interested in playing with this particular man. OOPS! Guess who we played with that evening….

Second, we had a no kissing rule which I was very good about when we were having drinks prior to play time. Although she understands that sometimes the other person makes it hard not to kiss them back, he was the one who was initiating the kissing. My wife mentioned that she was tapping my arm to remind me but I did not seem to feel it.

Every conversation or rule that my wife and I had discussed, seemed to evaporate as soon as my clothing came off.   My brain no longer reminded me that we had certain expectations of each other when we swing.

That was when I had a revelation about playing with other women. All of this time I had been blaming my wife for being jealous and picking nonsense fights when she was strictly asking me to be accountable for my behavior. The truth is, she was right! My dick was calling all the shots and I allowed him to be in control!  I could not hear her trying to speak to me or feel her touching me while I was playing with someone else! The attention I had to give to keep my erection was dulling all of my other senses!

His wife, at other times, is the object of his attention. If he cannot get an erection, he often turns to watch his wife hoping that this will excite him. He will, at times, try to involve himself in her play with another man hoping she can help him. Other times, he interrupts his wife’s play to ask for her assistance. The wife is aware of why he does this and is happy to oblige. What bothers her is that if she tries to get his attention while he is busy playing, he is unaware of her.

What is the take away from this? This man said that he felt compelled to make a blanket apology for his dick’s actions. Working on this problem is a bit more difficult than he had anticipated. It seems his dick insists on his full attention but he is making a conscious effort to be more aware of his wife during playtime.

So there you have it, an explanation as to why men behave the way they do when swinging. Their dick is to blame for their erratic behavior. Do I think women are going to buy this? I will let you know what they say…

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The #Me Too movement and the lifestyle; what’s the connection?

Woman sad about Me Too

 

 

Not long ago, when the Me Too movement started to gain steam, I started asking my female friends and relatives if they felt they were victims of some type of sexual misconduct in their lives.   The Me Too movement is for women to come forward and say that they have been a victim of sexual misconduct. Sadly, each woman questioned felt they were victimized at some point.  The interesting thing about this, is that I asked men if anyone could ever come forward and point a finger at them.   Each and every man said absolutely not. 

As we watch the latest news involving Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, it reminds me of my Me Too experience.  There was an incident in college when I was a freshman. Iwent out on a date with a senior.  Having met him in a bar with a group of friends, I obviously did not really know him. 

After a few drinks he said he wanted to stop at his apartment before heading out for dinner.  As soon as the door to his apartment was closed, he pushed me against the wall and started kissing me.  The way he pushed me felt very aggressive and immediately sent up red flags that this might be a bad situation. I tried to push him away and asked him to stop but he persisted.  Long story short, he was tearing at my clothing and trying to force himself on me when, thankfully, his roommate walked in and he stopped.  I was able to gather my things and run out the door. 

Brett Kavanaugh has denied the allegation of sexual misconduct.  This makes me wonder if the guy who did this to me would remember this particular event.  My guess is he would not.  This incident from many years ago left a life long impression on me, yet if he heard my name, I am certain he would deny ever having met me.

Men who behave in this way generally do not think they have done anything wrong.  A perfect example is Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein.    There are 158 women combined accusing the two of them of sexual misconduct. Both deny any wrong doing   Is it possible that they simply never imagined this could be considered sexual misconduct?  Maybe they actually believe they are entitled to this type of behavior because they are famous, rich or simply because they are men.

This guy from college  would probably even be able to pass a lie detector test.  As it was not traumatic for him, it probably isn’t worth remembering.  Had this not happened, I would probably not remember him either.  

How does this tie into the lifestyle?  Interestingly enough, it does.  In the lifestyle, there is so much respect towards women that we cannot compare this to the vanilla world.  (Funny that we call everyone who is not in the lifestyle vanilla…they certainly don’t behave that way.)   There are so many provocative situations, sexy and naked women all mixed with alcohol in most swing clubs.  One might worry it could be a very dangerous situation.  Sure, on the rare occasion there will be a trouble maker, but it is very rare.  Men in the lifestyle are usually total gentlemen.  They have figured out how to have all the sex they  want without having to attack women to get it.  If they are kind, clean and respectful they are pretty much assured that they will find women to play with.  

It is very hard to understand why people still pass judgement on swingers.  Swingers have proven themselves to be open, honest and respectful of each other.  No woman I have ever spoken with in the lifestyle has ever voiced concern about her safety in a lifestyle setting.  Not at a hotel walking around naked by herself, not in the playroom or bathroom of a swing club, not attending a private swinger party with a bunch of strangers, not in any type of swinger situation.  

What is the take away of all this?  Swingers are not hypocrites.  They love sex and they admit they love sex. Perhaps if people were more open and honest about sex, these things would not happen as often as they do now.  If men wanted to have more sex than their wife or girlfriend wanted, they could simply work out a way for both people to be fulfilled. 

If men had an open door to engage in sex, in a club filled with willing women, would they still resort to such tactics?  Perhaps for some, there is that element of power, which is really a fetish.   I’m quite certain with all the different venues available within the lifestyle, they could find something to fulfill that fantasy as well.

I applaud the Me Too movement for putting their foot down and demanding justice for these types of crimes. It would be great  to see some truthful conversations come from this as well.  Sex is a part of human nature and perhaps if we are able to speak about it, we could learn more.  As long as we make sex so secretive and taboo it is bound to create problems.

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