By now, for those who read my blogs, you know my husband and I spend a good amount of time in swing clubs. This weekend was no different and we proudly made it out all 3 nights!
It is in the swing club that I often find topics of interest. This weekend we were talking about people’s demeanors and how this can affect their success in the lifestyle. We observed an attractive woman talking with her husband at the bar. She was smiling and seemed approachable but her husband looked angry and annoyed.
Soon after first noticing them, they were passing by to walk to the dance floor and she stopped and said hello to us. Her husband, still with a sour look on his face, stopped beside her. We introduced ourselves and waited for them to do the same. She kissed us hello and told us both of their names. He simply nodded his head. When we spoke to him he was cordial but never once smiled. As they walked away we tried to imagine what kind of success they would have in a swing club.
This man looked so unapproachable, it is hard to imagine that anyone would choose to engage in conversation with them. We spotted them from time to time and his demeanor never changed. Even on the dance floor, he looked miserable. It is possible that he did not want to come to a swing club and was doing it for his wife. If this was the case, I would understand. Clearly, however, this man did not have to worry about other couples wanting to get close to them.
Oddly, when the couple was passing us to go back to their seats at the bar, she stopped to speak with my husband. I smiled at her husband and he simply pretended to be interested in whatever was on the tv screen. I laughed to myself because this woman was truly wasting her time. At this point, even if this man suddenly wanted to play with me, I had zero interest.
Swingers, in general, are warm and friendly people. While there are exceptions to every rule, most people that we meet in swing clubs, are there to meet others. For this reason, if someone conveys negativity, their chances of hooking up with others is very low.
I couldn’t help but wonder if she realized how he came across to other people. Our assumption was that she brought him to the club and clearly, he did not appreciate being there. We lost track of them but I imagine their night ended early.
This is not the first person in a swing club that I have observed with a chip on their shoulder. It continues to confuse me as to why people waste their time and money doing something they are clearly not interested in doing. To please their partner? Maybe, but obviously this generally backfires.
Swinging is something that couples must approach together. If a couple is not on the same page, this is the result. Coming into a lifestyle situation with a closed mind is not going to yield a positive outcome, regardless of how much one person wants it to work.
I considered that maybe this is simply the man’s disposition. It is possible, however, that he is one of those people whose resting facial expression leads people astray. His wife did mention he is foreign, perhaps his country of origin does not expect people to smile and be up all the time. Maybe he had a bad day at work or some other personal problem.
Any of these things are possible and it was for that reason that when they stopped to talk, we made an effort to be warm to them both. Not because we wanted to play with them, but simply to be nice and put him at ease. This is where he fell short. He had an opportunity to be friendly and he chose to be cold.
Much like when someone has bad breath and we wonder why their significant other doesn’t tell them, we questioned if she said something to him. If the problem is that he is shy, his wife needs to help him engage when the opportunity presents itself. If he is simply unfriendly, maybe they need to rethink the whole swing club idea.
Whatever the case, the bottom line is that a positive attitude and demeanor are important if you want to have success in a swing club. There are too many friendly faces for people to waste their time trying to warm up someone who is just plain cold.
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