Why your attitude and demeanor are crucial to your success in a swing club.


couple in swing club wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry


By now, for those who read my blogs, you know my husband and I spend a good amount of time in swing clubs.  This weekend was no different and we proudly made it out all 3 nights!  

It is in the swing club that I often find topics of interest.  This weekend we were talking about people’s demeanors and how this can affect their success in the lifestyle.  We observed an attractive woman talking with her husband at the bar.  She was smiling and seemed approachable but her husband looked angry and annoyed.  

Soon after first noticing them, they were passing by to walk to the dance floor and she stopped and said hello to us.  Her husband, still with a sour look on his face, stopped beside her.  We introduced ourselves and waited for them to do the same.  She kissed us hello and told us both of their names.  He simply nodded his head.  When we spoke to him he was cordial but never once smiled.   As they walked away we tried to imagine what kind of success they would have in a swing club.  

This man looked so unapproachable, it is hard to imagine that anyone would choose to engage in conversation with them.  We spotted them from time to time and his demeanor never changed.  Even on the dance floor, he looked miserable.  It is possible that he did not want to come to a swing club and was doing it for his wife.  If this was the case, I would understand.  Clearly, however, this man did not have to worry about other couples wanting to get close to them.

Oddly, when the couple was passing us to go back to their seats at the bar, she stopped to speak with my husband.  I smiled at her husband and he simply pretended to be interested in whatever was on the tv screen.  I laughed to myself because this woman was truly wasting her time.  At this point, even if this man suddenly wanted to play with me, I had zero interest.  

Swingers, in general, are warm and friendly people.  While there are exceptions to every rule, most people that we meet in swing clubs, are there to meet others.  For this reason, if someone conveys negativity, their chances of hooking up with others is very low.

I couldn’t help but wonder if she realized how he came across to other people.  Our assumption was that she brought him to the club and clearly, he did not appreciate being there.   We lost track of them but I imagine their night ended early.

This is not the first person in a swing club that I have observed with a chip on their shoulder. It continues to confuse me as to why people waste their time and money doing something they are clearly not interested in doing.  To please their partner?  Maybe, but obviously this generally backfires.  

Swinging is something that couples must approach together.  If a couple is not on the same page, this is the result.  Coming into a lifestyle situation with a closed mind is not going to yield a positive outcome, regardless of how much one person wants it to work.  

I considered that maybe this is simply the man’s disposition.  It is possible, however,  that he is one of those people whose resting facial expression leads people astray.  His wife did mention he is foreign, perhaps his country of origin does not expect people to smile and be up all the time.  Maybe he had a bad day at work or some other personal problem.  

Any of these things are possible and it was for that reason that when they stopped to talk, we made an effort to be warm to them both.  Not because we wanted to play with them, but simply to be nice and put him at ease.  This is where he fell short.  He had an opportunity to be friendly and he chose to be cold.

Much like when someone has bad breath and we wonder why their significant other doesn’t tell them, we questioned if she said something to him.  If the problem is that he is shy, his wife needs to help him engage when the opportunity presents itself.  If he is simply unfriendly, maybe they need to rethink the whole swing club idea.

Whatever the case, the bottom line is that a positive attitude and demeanor are important if you want to have success in a swing club.  There are too many friendly faces for people to waste their time trying to warm up someone who is just plain cold.


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You’ll never guess who I watched having sex the other night; well, sort of…

Doppelganger having sex with swinger

They say we all have a twin somewhere out there; some use the phrase doppelgänger.   Last night in a swing club, I saw a man who could clearly be a famous man’s doppelgänger.  To see a doppelgänger that looks like George Clooney or Brad Pitt in a swing club would be awesome.  Unfortunately, this was neither.  This man could be Bernie Sanders’ identical twin.  No offense to Bernie, but this is not my dream man to see when I open my eyes because a stranger is touching me.  Nope, not even close…

There is no question, seeing someone who closely resembles a famous person can be exciting. For people who like to fantasize about having sex with someone famous, this can be a pretty close second.  Unfortunately, I’m not convinced that many women are fantasizing about Bernie Sanders.    It has nothing to do with his politics or even his likability, this is purely physical.  As I watched “Bernie” play with his wife, and then with another woman, I couldn’t help but imagine what he was saying to the woman he was on top of.  With his thick New York accent, I imagined him explaining why condoms for all, for free, was a wonderful idea. As a matter of fact, I’m still imagining his conversations:  he loves everything about the lifestyle!  Sharing is what it’s all about!  We all win when we share!

It got me to wondering what it might be like to see other doppelgängers in a swing club.  Surely, if you look that much like someone else, you are aware.  Either because you can see it for yourself, or because others frequently point it out to you.  I tried to imagine how a Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Angelina Jolie or Blake Lively look alike might behave in a swing club.  

People who frequent swing clubs have little tolerance for arrogance.  The atmosphere is fun and friendly, and as we have discussed before, people who think they are too attractive for others, are not very successful in the lifestyle.  If, on the other hand, a friendly, hot, famous looking doppelgänger were to meander into a swing club, I imagine they would be quite popular.

This leads me to wonder about the next scenario.  What if your significant other’s twin showed up?  They clarify that they are not related.  Interested?  Maybe interested in playing with the two of them at the same time?  Now we’re talking…

What if your own doppelgänger appeared in a club one night.  How would you feel if your significant other was into her?  Happy that you are obviously his type?  Annoyed by the comparison?  Interested in playing as a threesome with her?

The Bernie Sanders’ doppelgänger is not the first person that I have seen in a swing club who genuinely looks like another famous person.  A few years ago I saw Kelly Conway and once, I saw my own sister.  When I approached her because the resemblance was uncanny, I think she thought I was trying to hit on her.  Probably the first time in my life I felt like a man.  No matter how hard I tried to explain, and even offered to show her a photo, she seemed creeped out.  It still makes me laugh.

Maybe one day I will get to experience the fantasy of having sex with a famous man (or woman) who turns me on.  Like I tell my husband, the more time we spend in the lifestyle, the better the odds.  For now, I have Bernie Sanders on the brain.  It’s hard to shake the image of him having sex in front of me.

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A unicorn, a tatto and an unexpected swinger encounter in Atlanta, Ga.

Partners ID Swinger Symbol Tattoo

Dear Partners ID,

I will speak for myself when I say that I love to read your letters from swingers who have found each other because they spotted your jewelry.

My story is a little bit different. I do have several pieces of your jewelry, which I love but it was your tattoo that inspired me. You might remember that I had contacted you asking for permission to use your logo for a permanent tattoo. I did have it done and just like the jewelry, it attracts attention.

The tattoo is located on the inside of my wrist so it is discreet but visible. The interesting thing about this tattoo is how it alerts people in the lifestyle that I am definitely a player. When they see it, they know what it means. Nobody has a permanent tattoo if they are not a genuine swinger!

The part about meeting another (very unexpected swinger) starts now. I had taken a bad fall and injured my wrist. My dad suggested I make an appointment to see his long time friend who is an orthopedic surgeon. After sending me for X-rays they determined that it was indeed fractured.

I met the doctor for a consultation. He suggested placing it in a cast for 6-8 weeks. When he examined my wrist he stopped when he spotted my tattoo. I could see him looking carefully at the design and came right out and asked me what it meant. Talk about awkward! The explanation I gave was for nothing as he told me he knew the sign well; he too is in the lifestyle!

We did not make plans to meet up or anything of that nature. After all, he is my dad’s friend! This is a man who I have known since I was a young kid and never would have suspected he is in the lifestyle. We agreed that it should be our little secret but he did love my tattoo!

Although we will not see each other as swinger friends, he did fix me up with someone else who is in the lifestyle. We have been out a few times and we will see where that goes!

Love your concept, love the design and love the jewelry. I hope this story makes you smile and who knows, maybe I’ll be the second swinger bride!

Big hugs,

Atlanta, Ga

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