Couples who are successful in the lifestyle, generally have one important thing in common. Besides the fact that they trust their partner, they eased into swinging. We often meet new couples who appear out of the blue and enter the lifestyle with a vengeance. They waste no time in throwing themselves into full swap mode and within a month, they are never seen in the lifestyle again. What happens with couples like this? Why do they disappear from the lifestyle when they seemed so gung ho?
For most people, the thought of seeing their significant other with someone else makes them insanely jealous. Even couples who have been together for many years and for whom sex has become infrequent and perhaps even olbigatory, the notion of their spouse having sex with someone other than themselves is not something they are comfortable with. When you are new to the lifestyle, it can be daunting to consider your spouse having physical contact with someone else. The important thing is that it should be a slow and steady process. It is important to become comfortable in the lifestyle before you rush off to swap with another couple. Generally, to those who have been in a monogamous relationship for a long time, it can be titillating to imagine just kissing someone else.
When couples are new to the lifestyle and jump right into the deep end, it is very hard to back up and start over. These couples never gave themselves the chance to navigate at a pace that would allow them to be successful in the lifestyle. If one person is ready to swap and the other is only doing it to please their partner, this will backfire very quickly. Nobody wants to be used for any reason, but to feel like your partner is pushing you to do something you are not ready for, is a recipe for disaster. Taking the time to feel confident in the process will help couples to move forward together in a way that will enhance their relationship. For some couples this can happen quickly, while for others, it can take a long time. Couples should be willing to move at a pace that works for them both.
When you are finally ready to take the leap into sex with someone else, prepare to be surprised at how much you will enjoy it! The realization generally comes quickly after the first encounter, that you are in this together; you and your partner. Many couples discover that sex after swinging is the most erotic sex they ever have. It makes sex come alive again. It’s new and it’s exciting.
It is something that you do together, which is why it creates such a strong bond between couples. It becomes your little secret as a couple and that’s a positive thing!
Your spouse will still be your spouse and you might find you enjoy each other even more after you play with another couple. The best part is, nobody is “cheating”, you are doing this together.