Is it cheating if you arrange to meet an old boyfriend in a swing club?

 

Well, we did our research and were able to find our forum poster!  We reached out to her and here is her follow up!  If you recall, on the forum, people were debating whether or not this woman’s friend was technically cheating on her husband.

When Partners ID contacted me about an old forum post that I wrote 2 years ago, I was shocked!  They said that people are curious to hear what happened.  I am not much of a writer but this is an interesting (and true) story.  

This happened 2 years ago.  At the time, my husband and I spent most of our free Saturday nights at a swing club.   We became friendly with a couple that is about the same age as we are (early 40s).  Whenever we were at the club, we always hung out together.  Sometimes we would all play together in the playroom at the end of the night.   It is fair to say that we knew them fairly well.  I would speak to her during the week and sometimes we would meet for dinner and drinks before heading to the club on Saturdays.  

One Saturday evening, the four of us were sitting on a couch by the front door.  We were having drinks and laughing when we noticed the manager walk in with a new couple.  He was getting ready to give them a tour of the club.  I had spotted this couple on our way in as they were signing in as new members.  Anyway, when my friend sees them, she jumps up and tells the manager that she would be happy to give them a tour.  To say that this is out of character would be a huge understatement.  The manager gives tours often when we are in the club, and she has never  paid any attention to him.  

When she finished giving them a tour she invited them to come and sit with us.  I gave my husband a look but he said she was just being friendly.  I don’t think she said two words to me the rest of the time we were sitting with them.  She was completely flirting with him, excluding everyone else who was sitting there.  My husband and I felt weird so we moved on. Later that evening we went into the playroom but did not see them back there.  

The following weekend was the same scenario  only this time this man showed up with a different woman.  He walked into the club and without hesitation turned and sat down right next to my friend.  The woman he was with seemed very uncomfortable, as did my friend’s husband.  Early into the evening they were throwing back shots and dancing together.  Again, we got up and walked away.  At this point in time, we did question if my friend was technically cheating on her husband.

We did not see them for a few weeks.  The husband spoke with my husband and told him that it was an old boyfriend and it’s nothing to be concerned about.  We made plans to see them in the club that next weekend and I wasn’t sure whether or not her old boyfriend would show up again.  I did notice that the few weeks my friend and her husband were out of the club, the boyfriend was not there either.  

My husband said he thought if this guy showed up again I should make a play for him.  I did not think I could do something like this but the seed was planted. 

That evening, the four of us were dancing and enjoying the evening together.  Sure enough, the old boyfriend shows up on the dance floor with yet another new girl.  My friend, again, turns all of her attention to this guy and we walked off the dance floor.  We went back to grab our drinks but my husband did not want to leave her husband alone in this situation.  He begged me to flirt with this man but I tried to explain that it would only kill the friendship.  

When everyone returned to sit down, I emptied my drink and turned to the new guy.  I struck up a conversation with him asking him if he was new in the lifestyle and where he and his date met each other, etc.  He was actually very friendly and warm and I could see what my friend liked about him.  Trying to be playful, I touched his arm while I spoke and he seemed to enjoy it.  When I looked at my friend, she did not really seem concerned, which confused me.  Deep down, I really thought she would be mad.  

Long story short, the 6 of us ended up in the playroom that evening. My friend and I with her old boyfriend, the guys were with his date and it was so much fun!  There was a little bit of extra affection between the two but I suppose having history, it was expected.  

I met her for lunch that same week and we finally talked about it.  She assured me that she loves her husband and that seeing her old boyfriend became like a fantasy in her mind.  Although she did hope he would show up at the club,  no part of her wanted to leave her husband for him.  That weekend that we played with him was awesome and now she got it out of her system and could put it to rest.  

How’s that for a happy ending?  But that isn’t the end…

The boyfriend  continued to show up at the club every Saturday. My friend continued to pursue him when he was there.  We stopped hanging out with them but watched from a distance while she spent more and more time with him.  About 3 months later, our friends stopped coming to the club.  She never called me anymore so my husband reached out to her husband.   Her husband said he was tired of bringing her to the club so she could spend every Saturday with her old boyfriend while pretending it was normal.  He suspected she was meeting him during the week and hired a private detective.  Long story short, they are divorced.  

This was 2 years ago and happily her husband has found a wonderful woman. They are planning to get married in a few months.  I have not heard from her but her husband told us that she and the old boyfriend are no longer together.  A very unfortunate story!

Wishing you all the best!

Jennifer

To read the original forum post read here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/forum/swingers-talk/meeting-up-with-and-playing-with-an-old-flame-in-the-club-on-purpose/

Don’t forget to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Embarrassing situations swingers find themselves in…

Are you a swinger?  If you are, you can definitely relate to some of these embarrassing (but true) stories!

My husband and I had my parents over for dinner a few nights ago.  We were sitting at the table enjoying our coffee when our dog skirted under the table to enjoy what I thought was something my father had given her from his plate of leftovers.  Before long she was looking for my mother’s attention so my mother was petting her absentmindedly.  Next thing I know, my mother holds out her hand to show us what the dog had deposited.  It was a chewed up condom package with (thankfully) the condom still inside.  My husband and I were literally sweating,  trying desperately to figure out how to explain this.  Since neither of us could think of anything to say we acted like we couldn’t imagine where she had gotten it.  I didn’t feel comfortable admitting we had had a party that weekend and always supply condoms for our guests to use while they play on the very couch you were sitting on before dinner.  Nope, I didn’t think that would go over very well.  The next morning I did phone her and say that it probably had been in my son’s bedroom and the dog had managed to find it.

You might want to pack a trench coat when you don’t know the destination.

A few weeks ago we were heading out on a Saturday night to a private party.  We know the couple who were throwing the party but we had never been to their home.   I usually bring something in the car to put on in case of an emergency (I have already had that problem two times).   We were in a hurry and I forgot until we were already on our way.  Since we were running late, I decided to forget about it for this one time.  We arrive at the address and to my surprise, it is a building.  Naturally, when we walk in there is a doorman, a man at the front desk and a gentleman who takes you upstairs in the elevator.  I feel especially pleased that I am wearing a super slutty outfit that is practically see through.  I imagined all three men watching us by video going up in the elevator taking bets on whether or not my husband had hired me for the night.    When we arrive at their condo, my friend opens the door and gets hysterical laughing.  She knew right away the shame I had to endure to get up to her apartment.  She was then concerned that I would be the first of many dressed like this and now the people downstairs would look at her differently.  Perhaps next time you might want to mention to lifestyle guests that there is a front desk!

Ordering online should be a private way to get what you want, right?

I love to dress up when we go to parties and clubs, and  I especially enjoy  shopping for slutty clothing.  It can be difficult to find stores that carry this type of clothing so most of the time I shop online.  I placed an order with a store a few months ago and waited for the package to arrive.  It did not arrive as schedule and so I checked the tracking.   It showed the package had been delivered.  I went back to see what address they had delivered it to since it was not mine.  When I looked it up, I realized the company sent it to my old address!  I had the phone number for the new owners so I called her and asked if she had the package.  She said she didn’t think so but would get back to me.  She sent me a text message later that day saying it had indeed arrived and since she was on her way out, she would leave it at her front door for me to pick up.  I arrived at her house and  pulled into the driveway.  I was anxious to jump out and to grab the package.  My old neighbor spots me and walks over to say hello.  I told her I was in a hurry but just needed to grab a package that was left at the door.  She says, “Yes, I know, Susan told me about the package.”  With that she says goodbye and walks away.  I thought it was odd and couldn’t  imagine why Susan would have mentioned it.  As soon as I approached the front door I understood why.  The package had been opened and clearly she had seen what I had ordered.  OMG how do I explain this?!  Everything I had ordered looked like something a dancer from a strip club would wear!  After taking some time to figure out how to explain this, I phoned her.    I told her this was not what I had ordered!  She said she was sorry she had opened it but had been expecting a package and just assumed that was her package.  She mumbled something about not really looking at what was inside but I could tell from the package that she had indeed looked at each piece!  We have not spoken since.

People in the lifestyle love to stop and smell the flowers, but what about stopping to smell the lube?

A friend had surgery recently and I went to visit her at home.  They live in the city so finding a place to park was a bit of a challenge.  I finally gave in and parked in a public garage.  When I was leaving, I turned out of the garage and as I drove past her building, I noticed her husband walking toward the entrance.  I honked and he came over to the car to say hello.  He was very excited and held up a bag to show me that he had been shopping.  I pulled over to the curb and he got in the passenger side to show me what he bought.  To cheer up my friend, he had gotten her some sexy lingerie, body powder and some new lube.  He opened the bottle to let me smell it and as I leaned over to smell the bottle of lube someone knocked on my window.  I turn to see a policeman standing there asking me to roll down my window.  Not only was I parked in a fire zone but he wanted to see what we were sniffing.  I imagine he thought it was drugs. Although sniffing lube is legal, it is still pretty embarrassing.    My friend held up the bottle for the policeman to see but he wanted me to hand it over.  I twisted the cap back on and reluctantly  gave him the bottle.  After examining the bottle, he handed it back to me and informed us that public sex was a misdemeanor and suggested we move along!

Sex toys and children don’t mix…

A friend recently returned from a trip to New Orleans where she was visiting a child in college.  She had a wonderful time but since she and her husband spend every weekend at either a lifestyle event or swing club, it was very tame.  After taking her son and his roommate out for dinner, they walked my friend back to the hotel and they were heading out to meet friends.  After waiting a short time to make sure they were gone and she headed out to see Bourbon Street at night.  She stopped at a bar and had a few drinks while mingling with the locals. Soon after, she  decided to take a walk down the street to see what was there.  She passed a shop that sold adult items and she walked in.  Excited to see such interesting toys, she decided to buy a friend an early birthday present:  a giant pink strap on.  They dropped her stuff in a plastic bag and she headed back toward the hotel.  As she was walking though the lobby, her son was talking to the person at the front desk.  She was surprised to see him there and he rushed over to talk to her.  He had left his keys up in her room and needed them to get into his apartment.  They rode back up in the elevator together with his friend and she let them back into her room.  They seemed not to be in a hurry to leave so she sat on the edge of the bed and talked with them for a while.  She had to go to the bathroom so she got up from the bed and when she did, the package slid off the bed and the contents scattered  across the floor.  Needless to say she was mortified as the boys stared down at the pink strap on.  She chuckled and said it was a gag gift for a friend’s birthday.  She still gets upset just thinking about it.

Let’s be honest, sex happens

Although most swingers try very hard to keep the lifestyle a secret, it seems that something always happens to give others a clue that we are not as vanilla as we would like to have them believe.  Every time some embarrassing or revealing situation occurs or someone tells me about something that has happened to them, I wonder if most people don’t have secrets of their own.  I prefer my dog not bring condoms to my parents, but honestly, do they not have anything kinky going on in their life?  My neighbor can’t handle the thought that I would wear such sexy clothing?  Maybe she is using a strap on with her husband.  I don’t know!  For her sake, I hope they are doing something fun in their bedroom!  The policeman thinks lube is risqué?  Really?  With a job like that I’m sure he has seen a whole lot more interesting things than that.  As for my friend’s son, he is in a fraternity.  Need I say more?

At least we are having fun!

One of the reasons I love the lifestyle so much is that we don’t pretend to be so puritanical.  We love sex, we have sex and we talk about sex.  We like to dress sexy and we like to have fun.  It would be impossible to revert to our old ways and I sincerely doubt that anyone in the lifestyle would want to.  Hopefully, in the future, people will loosen up and accept that sex is natural and normal.  I’m not expecting everyone to understand or participate in the lifestyle, I am just hoping that people will be open to the fact that it does exist and the people involved are just having fun with their partners.  It is an open and honest relationship that swingers have and hopefully one day, vanilla people will understand.

Until then, prepare yourself for the next mishap…

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items arrive often and we are happy to create custom pieces!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

 

 

 

 

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Sex in Texas! A hotwife bank teller finds what she’s looking for!

Bank teller looking for sex

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and although I love him, I need more sex than he does.  At the beginning the sex was hot and often, but after a few years, he was happy to have sex twice a week.  For a while I simply satisfied myself, but after we discovered swinging, everything changed.  

Swinging woke him up sexually and that has been a positive for both of us.  More importantly is that I can go to a swing club and have sex with many men in one night.  My husband loves to watch and if he finds a woman he wants to play with, he likes to hear about what I was doing while he was busy.  

Although I love the sex I can have at a club, I discovered what I was really looking for was the freedom to have sex with other men.  As in, what I want, with who I want, when I want!  

I discussed this with my husband and he told me the thought of my meeting other men for sex was a huge turn on for him!  All he wanted was to hear all about it.  He suggested trying to video tape encounters on my phone so that he could watch what happens.  I wasn’t sure how many men would agree to this but I said I would do my best.

The only problem was, how to let men know that I am available.  I work in a bank and  I meet many men but flirting is frowned upon by management.  We had seen your jewelry before and decided that this would be a way to accomplish this!  Not only would I be able to let other swingers know that I am a swinger, but I love black men and so adding the queen of spade charm was perfect!

I did not meet someone right away but I got a lot of compliments on my necklace.  One of coworkers is obsessed with it which makes me laugh.  At first I thought maybe she was a swinger but she has no clue what it is.  

It took a while but finally I had a bite!  It was a regular customer and he simply handed me his deposit and his personal calling card together.  He smiled and told me to have a nice day.  I think I got wet just thinking about what this meant!  I sent him a text as soon as I was on a break and he responded right away!  He and his wife are swingers and they have an open marriage!  He is allowed to meet other women as long as he tells his wife!  

We met up for drinks the next night after work and headed right over to a motel nearby.  He was not open to the video idea but said my husband could listen in over the phone if that would make him happy.  The sex was incredibly hot and lasted quite a few hours.  We talked about the necklace and he asked about the extra charm.  I told him that I love black men (he is not) and he told me he knows quite a few from their circle of swingers.  He said he could ask them to call me if I liked.  This was unbelievable!  Needless to say, I was thrilled!

Long story short, I have been very busy after work and wanted to tell you that the jewelry definitely works!  

Hugs and kisses

Francesca

Dallas, TX

Check out the necklace this hotwife is wearing here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/spade/

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Swingers finding swingers in New York City.

Swingers posing for the camera wearing Partners ID jewelry

Dear Partners ID,

I love reading about how swingers have met each other wearing your jewelry! Our story isn’t as exotic as some of the others but I hope it is good enough to publish! 

We have been swingers for a long time, over 15 years, and when we heard about your jewelry we were hopeful that it would catch on.  There is no question that swingers need something like this.  We are so tired of trying to meet swingers through dating sites for all of the obvious reasons:  people lie about their age, show old pictures, don’t show up for planned meetings, etc.  

Anyway, we did buy jewelry, crossed our fingers that it would work and we wear it proudly.  Last weekend was our anniversary and my husband planned a romantic getaway for us in New York City.  Fancy hotel, tickets to a show, chic restaurants and even a carriage ride through Central Park.  What could be more exciting!  

We went to see Hamilton (which was as good as we had heard it was) and off to dinner after.  We tried to get a cab after the show but that was impossible.  We ended up walking the whole way back to the upper east side where our restaurant reservation was. (Quite painful in my beautiful new shoes!)  Of course we were very late so they had given our table away. They told us to wait at the bar for one to open up.  

A very nice man offered me his seat at the very crowded bar and I gladly accepted!  My husband in turn bought he and his wife a round of drinks and we chatted with them.  They asked us if we were planning anything after dinner and we were intrigued.  We have been in the lifestyle a long time and had the feeling this was something promising!  We asked what they had in mind and the wife lifted her purse off the bar to show it to me.  OMG!  I couldn’t believe it!  She had a gorgeous bag with your pendant on it!  How clever!  We laughed because my husband and I were both wearing pieces from your collection!

Needless to say, we had dinner with them and then headed back to their hotel room for a night of fun.  They told us they have met many couples because of the jewelry.  I told them they were our first but she did point out that she looks for it.  That is a good point because I had never thought to look.  Now I will!

Thanks!!!

Cindy and Rob

Charlotte, NC

If you would like to see the collection of lifestyle jewelry, click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Picking up strangers for a sexual encounter; why this is not always a safe idea.

 

 

Sexual girl in bar wearing Partners ID jewelry

Swinging is a lot of fun and allows people to live out some of their sexual fantasies in a safe way.  You meet other swingers, you have sex, you go home.  But what happens when swingers want to push the envelope and see if they can wrangle in a vanilla person to fulfill their fantasy?  If this sounds exciting to you, perhaps there are things you should consider before taking this route.

Most swingers choose to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle a secret. They go to great lengths to hide this from family, friends, coworkers and neighbors. Why do we do this? Well, let’s face it, people who are not in the lifestyle really do not understand the concept. Most people find swinging to be highly unethical and simply cannot imagine giving their partner permission to have sex with other people.  Although they have seen threesomes and gangbangs while watching porn, this is not something they want to explore for themselves.

Why then, do some swingers think that picking up an unsuspecting vanilla person for a sexual encounter is a good idea? Fantasies are a wonderful thing, but when people try to incorporate that into their real lives, with unsuspecting people, things can go very wrong.

I have heard stories of couples hitting on unsuspecting businessmen in hotel bars which had near disastrous consequences. Some couples send their wives into the bar to hit on the men. They don’t tell the men about the husband waiting upstairs until the man arrives at the room. Most men simply leave, but one couple chose a man with an anger problem and he was ready to fight the man for the “right” to have sex with his wife and insisted the husband leave the room.  A quick thinking wife dialed the operator from the hotel phone and security showed up a few moments later to escort the man from their room.

I read a story on a forum about a couple who befriended a stranger in a bar and invited him back to their home for a drink. They honestly thought he knew what their intentions were but this man is not in the lifestyle and so his mind did not go there. When the wife tried to hit on him he freaked out and left. The next day they found a sign on their lawn announcing that ‘swingers live here’.

Another couple tried to pick up a woman in a bar while they were vacationing. They brought her back to their room hoping she would be open to a threesome. She did kiss the woman for a few minutes but said she was too drunk and needed to sleep it off on the couch for a while and then would be open to sex with them both. The woman fell asleep and eventually so did this couple. When they woke up, she was gone and so was his wallet.

The lifestyle offers so many ways to meet other swingers that it is hard to understand why people would put themselves in these types of situations. Although you read stories about wild nights of sex with strangers that couples manage to pick up, how many are actually true? There is a good chance that most of these stories are fantasies that people wish were real!
Swing clubs offer an environment where threesomes and foursomes and gang bangs are normal and accepted. Flirting with other men and women is expected and desired. There are bouncers and a staff that is ready to intervene if ever there is a problem. Every person who enters a club must present ID at the door, which is entered into a computer so there are no strangers in a club.

Online dating sites for swingers offers people the chance to meet other swingers for fun. Why not contact couples or singles to meet in a bar or other public venue from a site like this? At least you know these people are open to whatever you are looking for because you can ask them before you meet!

We have heard recent horror stories about dating apps like Tinder and Plenty of Fish yet some couples continue to hope that they can meet other swingers from these types of apps. Why not try an app that is geared to swingers?

Craigslist has proven itself to be a haven for the insane. Ashley Madison has attracted some swingers but why look for people who are cheating on their spouse?

It is not hard to find other swingers with all the resources that are out there. Check Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or simply google to find endless sites that help swingers find other swingers.

If finding other swingers out in a public venue is still your goal, wear our lifestyle jewelry to let others know what you are looking for. The pendant is recognized around the world!

Check out our jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

It is important to remember that just because you and your partner are sexually adventurous and open, does not mean that people who appeal to you feel the same way.  Even close friends who can be a bit flirtatious are not usually swingers and might be shocked if you hit on them.

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Swinging can be confusing; if your spouse loves you, why does he want to play with someone else?

Man interested in swinging

 

While at a lifestyle party recently, a woman struck up a conversation with a group of swingers .  She said she was confused by the whole notion of swinging. This couple is very new to the lifestyle and when she asked her husband why he wanted to have sex with someone else, his response was so that he would appreciate being with her.  Her first thought was ‘I guess you don’t appreciate being with me or you would not need to have sex with someone else to appreciate me’.  It upset her because she was concerned about the fact that she was not enough for him and why would he even want to be with someone else if he really loved her.   You could see by the look on several of the women’s faces that this was an age old question for people who were either new to the lifestyle or considering trying it out.

Almost everyone has been raised to believe that we should be monogamous.  We grow up, find a mate, settle down and remain faithful to this one person; till death do us part.  Forever is a long time and for most people, when they take this vow, they truly believe they will never want to be with anyone else.  We can all agree that it is usually with the very best intentions that we enter into these marriages.  Even for couples who are not married, fidelity is expected when you are in an exclusive relationship with someone.

The question is:  how many couples, if they are honest, are happy like this?  This is not to imply that everyone cheats or wants to cheat, rather it is intended to make you question how many people honestly go through life and never think about having sex with someone else? A neighbor, a coworker, the pool boy, a bartender, your doctor, etc.  The truth is, very few people have never thought or fantasized about being with someone else. Even pornography is basically allowing people to engage in fantasies from afar; something to play over in our minds when we have sex with our partner.

How many people are just plain unfaithful in their committed relationships?  Even people who cheat are not always wanting to give up the relationship they have; many are simply looking for something different and exciting in bed.  A happy marriage does not always mean a happy sex life together.  How many times have you heard a woman tell you she was making a mental shopping list while waiting for her partner to finish?  If she was swinging with someone new, chances are she would be concentrating on the man she was with and what they were doing.  Not because she is in love with him, but because it would be new and exciting.

Swinging allows you and your partner to explore your fantasies together.  It permits you the opportunity to have sex with other people without having to cheat  on each other.  When you have sex with different partners, you learn new things.  The most exciting part about this is bringing it back to your spouse to try together.   Swinging allows each partner to partake in things that perhaps their spouse is not open to trying.

For the woman who posed the question above, her husband’s answer was actually more honest than she realizes.  It is not that he loves her any less because he wants to have sex with other women, and it is not that she is not enough for him.  When you have sex for the first time when you swing, you realize that it is purely a physical act; there is no feeling towards the other person.  It is simply something different.  It breaks the routine that you and your partner eventually fall into when having sex.  Sometimes when you play with someone else it is good, and sometimes it is not.  The real treat is when you are back with your spouse!  The routine that was becoming monotonous, is suddenly the best sex you ever have!  When you make love to your partner you feel the difference and appreciate it so much more.  When you swing, you do not make love, you simply have sex.  When you are with your spouse, you make love.  There is a tremendous difference and swinging makes it so much more apparent.  Her spouse will love her more for allowing them to be free from other people’s expectations of what is right and wrong.  When you create your own rules as a couple, it is very liberating.  You become so much closer to each other.  You develop a tremendous amount of love and trust for allowing each other the freedom to explore.

Most importantly for this woman who is new to swinging to remember:  playing with someone else is for the moment.  After that, you are with your husband or partner and that is who you will go home with.  This is the person you will wake up with the next morning, and wait until you see the smile he gives you at breakfast the next morning. This is when you will realize that swinging is not about anyone but the two of you!

Be sure to check out our new pieces of lifestyle jewelry!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

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When one of the couple wants out of the lifestyle…now what?

You and your spouse have been in the lifestyle for quite some time when all of the sudden, she wants out. Now what?

It is perhaps something that happens more frequently than we know. How often do you take a step back and realize you haven’t seen so and so in a while? Remember that couple? Whatever happened to them? The lifestyle, although it encompasses a lot of people, is actually a small community. If you reflect back, you will realize you have seen many couples come and go; couples you thought were in the lifestyle forever, have actually slowly drifted away.
So how does this work? One morning the wife or husband wakes up and tells their spouse that she has had enough, she does not wish to remain in the lifestyle. For many of us, over time, the lifestyle takes over our social lives. We start to build friendships here because this is where we spend our nights and weekends. Our vanilla friends would never understand so we put some distance between us and them so they will stop pressuring us to make time for them on Friday and Saturday nights. Our sex lives have become full and exciting with new possibilities every night we are out with our lifestyle friends. The conversations are sexier, there’s touching and flirting and the ability to be completely open and free. Now she wants to give that up and go back to the way it was before. She assures you the sex will still be great, but somehow you know that your wild and crazy nights of sex are about to become a thing of the past. The 4-5 nights a week will start to dwindle down to a few times a month. You even suspect your lifestyle friends will only make time to see you during the week so they can be with their lifestyle friends on the weekends.
I have known some couples who have left the lifestyle and stayed out for a year or two. Eventually they got bored and returned. I do know others who got divorced, but I do not personally know couples who were really vested in the lifestyle who left, stayed married and just turned to other interests. I would like to think that there are couples who have done this. It would seem to me that it would take a lot of patience on the husband’s behalf (or the wife’s) but with time and understanding I’m sure it can be done!

I think one of the most important things to do in this situation is to figure out why one person wants out. If everything was going so well it is hard to imagine that someone would just wake up one morning and change their mind. Is there some kind of jealousy or insecurity involved? Perhaps you have not really been paying attention because you are too busy fulfilling your own needs or desires and did not notice she was unhappy.  Is she doing things to please you?  Sometimes we get so caught up in our own fantasies that we forget that this desire belongs to us and not to our significant other.

Do you push her to do things that perhaps she doesn’t really enjoy?  It is not uncommon to hear men say how much their wife or girlfriend loves gang bangs or double penetration when the truth is, they are doing it only to please their husband or boyfriend.  This is a slippery slope and inevidably will end poorly.  Take time to assess that the lifestyle is fair for the both of you.  Make sure you take the time to consider if your partner is loving everything as much as you are.

Perhaps this is about age or weight or some other insecurity that has become a problem.  When your partner doesn’t feel good about themselves, the lifestyle can be difficult.

Maybe she is a ‘go with the flow’ type of girl but inside, when it’s enough, it’s enough. You have to know your spouse and you have to always pay attention to what is going on with her when you are out. Chances are, this has been building up for some time and she has finally reached the end. For couples who spend all of their weekends in lifestyle venues it is probably a good idea from time to time to ask your spouse if they would like to do something else that night or weekend.  If she insists that she is happy to go to a swing club or party maybe you should make it a point to make some of these evenings just about her. Sure, there are a lot of willing and sexy girls around, but making her feel like the most special one is very important. Without this, you just might find yourself in this situation.

Do all of your vacations revolve around the lifestyle? How about just a vacation for the two of you to reconnect?  It goes a long way to make your partner know that they come first.  Spending some quality time away from the lifestyle is an important way to show your partner how you feel.

It’s always a good idea to have a conversation, from time to time, reminding them that the lifestyle is just a part of your relationship.  That your relationship is much more important than swinging.  Sometimes just hearing from your partner that they would be totally fine leaving the lifestyle, makes you feel secure.

So what if you have tried everything but she still wants out of the lifestyle?  Where does that leave you? What if you absolutely cannot imagine being out? Do you cheat? Try to hang on to lifestyle friends in the hopes they can help sway her to come back? It’s probably best to try to fix the problem and maybe in the future she will go back. Then again, maybe she won’t. It would be sad to think that a marriage cannot survive the departure from the lifestyle, after all, it is only for fun, right?

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Staying in the lifestyle for the long run; what it takes to be successful.

Lifestyle friends wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couples who are successful in the lifestyle, generally have one important thing in common.  Besides the fact that they trust their partner, they eased into swinging.  We often meet new couples who appear out of the blue and enter the lifestyle with a vengeance.  They waste no time in throwing themselves into full swap mode and within a month, they are never seen in the lifestyle again.  What happens with couples like this?  Why do they disappear from the lifestyle when they seemed so gung ho?
For most people, the thought of seeing their significant other with someone else makes them insanely jealous.  Even couples who have been together for many years and for whom sex has become infrequent and perhaps even olbigatory, the notion of their spouse having sex with someone other than themselves is not something they are comfortable with.   When you are new to the lifestyle, it can be daunting to consider your spouse having physical contact with someone else.  The important thing is that it should be a slow and steady process.  It is important to become comfortable in the lifestyle before you rush off to swap with another couple.  Generally, to those who have been in a monogamous relationship for a long time, it can be titillating to imagine just kissing someone else.
When couples are new to the lifestyle and jump right into the deep end, it is very hard to back up and start over.  These couples never gave themselves the chance to navigate at a pace that would allow them to be successful in the lifestyle.  If one person is ready to swap and the other is only doing it to please their partner, this will backfire very quickly.  Nobody wants to be used for any reason, but to feel like your partner is pushing you to do something you are not ready for, is a recipe for disaster.  Taking the time to feel confident in the process will help couples to move forward together in a way that will enhance their relationship.  For some couples this can happen quickly, while for others, it can take a long time.  Couples should be willing to move at a pace that works for them both.
When you are finally ready to take the leap into sex with someone else, prepare to be surprised at how much you will enjoy it!  The realization generally comes quickly after the first encounter, that you are in this together; you and your partner.  Many couples discover that sex after swinging is the most erotic sex they ever have.  It makes sex come alive again.  It’s new and it’s exciting.
It is something that you do together, which is why it creates such a strong bond between couples.  It becomes your little secret as a couple and that’s a positive thing!
Your spouse will still be your spouse and you might find you enjoy each other even more after you play with another couple.  The best part is, nobody is “cheating”, you are doing this together.
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Bullying on social forums

Public forums (on websites) have always been an easy target for bullies.  They hide behind their computer screens so anonymity is a given. Most people understand that when they comment on an article they read on any website, they are fair game both to bullies and cowards alike. Treating people poorly while remaining anonymous, does not take a lot of courage. This is not hard to understand. What is hard to understand is bullying people on swinger forums.   I  often mention how kind and loving a community swingers tend to be, but now I’m not so sure. Obviously, in any group you will find your rotten apples. What is troubling to me, is that I have noticed this trend on every site I have visited and by too many people.

I recall as a child hearing my parents tell me that if I did not have something nice to say, to say nothing at all. Good advice, right? Sure there are times when I read something and have a negative thought or feeling about what the writer is saying. Many people use forums as a help center, almost like Dear Abbey.  People come to forums looking for advice.  It is not my place to tell people how to think or feel so I always try to sensor what I write in response, or, if I can’t say something nice, I move on.

What I have noticed ,is that too frequently, when a writer is looking for guidance because they are having a problem, rather than offering a solution or words of encouragement, someone will respond with a demeaning comment.  They will then embellish on how great things are for them.  I’m sorry, how is this helpful?

I was reading a post recently where a woman was concerned that still, after many years in the lifestyle, she at times feels jealous when watching her husband play with another woman.  The first response was from a woman telling her she should keep her eyes closed while playing.  Ok, that might be a solution ( I didn’t say I agreed, but at least this was offering some help).  This was followed by four or five more responses belittling her for being so selfish and not wanting her husband to be happy.  Some of the responses went on to relate how much they love to watch their husbands and how exciting it is for them.  I wondered how this was supposed to help the original poster.  Since you love to watch your husband, she should feel the same way?

Not long ago I wrote something on a forum and when I returned the next day to see if anyone had commented I was shocked to see that some woman had taken the opportunity to personally attack what I had said with an assault of derogatory comments and snide remarks. The best part is, her picture was there and with a click of the mouse I was able to see where she lives, naked pictures of herself and her husband, her age and best of all, the name of the swing club she likes to visit when she travels. Guess what? That is the very same club I frequent as it is 10 miles from where I live. Not quite an anonymous comment huh? It should be an interesting evening when she enters the club…
My question remains, why do people feel the need to be so nasty? The lifestyle has always been such a laid back, friendly environment; peace and love, no? Where else can you find 100+ naked couples in a back room somewhere all getting along? It’s a shame to see this as sites that could be used for self expression and many times for guidance, are more often excuses for people to hurt one another. At least the woman who tried to take me down was bold enough to stand behind her comments and let me know who she is, I’ve seen some really mean and rotten comments by people whose profiles were inaccessible to everyone. Now that’s cowardly!
Bottom line, take it from my parents generation: If you don’t have something nice to say…

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Heads up Los Angeles! This woman’s moving up because of her lifestyle!

 

Business woman in the lifestyle wtih Partners ID necklace

We bought the jewelry about 6 months ago and have always worn it when we went to lifestyle events. We never really thought about wearing it other times even though we think it’s beautiful and truly doubt people would give it a second thought if they saw it.

About 2 months ago, we were invited to a swing club for a birthday party. I knew I would be working late and would not have time to stop at home to change so I packed a bag with my clothes. I wanted to remember to wear my Partners ID necklace so I put it on in the morning before heading off to work. (I didn’t want to lose it or have it get tangled in the bag). I tucked it inside my blouse to keep it out of sight while I was working.

I work for a large company and my supervisor had recently quit. I applied for his position but knew that there were many other people applying for it as well.

When I was working late in the afternoon, my boss called me in for an impromptu meeting to discuss how I could help cover some of the work left by my supervisor. He was looking for a file on his desk and accidentally knocked over a bunch of papers. I jumped up to help him retrieve the papers from the floor. He lifted my skirt and took me from behind right there. (I’m kidding, I thought the story was getting boring). When I was leaning over picking up the papers, my necklace freed itself from inside my blouse so when I sat back in my chair, it was clear for him to see. He didn’t say anything so I didn’t even realize it had happened.

That Monday morning, he called me into his office to congratulate me on getting the job! I was so grateful and assured him he wouldn’t regret his decision. He asked if I knew why he chose me and I said I did not. He told me he was in the lifestyle and saw the necklace! He said that he has a deep appreciation for people in the lifestyle and thinks they are more trustworthy than most vanilla people.

The first project he gave me was to purchase jewelry for him and his wife! We have become very good friends and it’s all because of my necklace! I think what I realized is the jewelry should be worn all the time because there are so many swingers out there that we probably already know!

Thank you for helping me get a promotion! I never imagined wearing the jewelry would help me like this! It’s a good luck charm and now I wear it everyday!

Kisses!

Carli

Los Angeles, CA

See Carli’s necklace here: /https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/shiny-choker/

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