How’s that snobby attitude working for you? Why cocky people don’t have success in the lifestyle.

Snobby woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Snobby woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

How’s that snobby attitude working for you?

Everyone has come across that person in the lifestyle.   You know who they are; standing around scoffing at others in a lifestyle environment.  In their mind, they are too superior to be surrounded by such, well, inferior people.  They think are the very definition of beauty and intellect  You can’t miss them, they stand around with their nose in the air.   Thankfully, they are not the norm but it doesn’t make it any easier to stomach them when they show up.

Why on earth do some people have such an attitude of superiority?  Nothing like a healthy dose of self confidence!  If these people are as irresistible as they tend to believe, why are they so frequently alone?

We watched a woman like this just last night.  She was not nearly as attractive as she imagined she was but her attitude was so awful, we could barely stop staring at her.  (Perhaps this is why she has so much confidence!  People stare at her not because she’s so beautiful, but rather because she’s so obnoxious!)  

This particular woman held her head high in the air and watched to make sure everyone looked at her as they walked past her.  Needless to say, most people did not give her a second look but she kept at it.  Any time a woman walked past her, she would laugh, as if to let the other woman that know she didn’t approve of her look.  She would throw her head back, point at the woman and whisper in her husband’s ear.  It was hard not to say something to her (or smack her).  It was so incredibly rude.

Her husband tried for a long time to coerce her to mingle with other couples but she was not interested.  When she finally spotted a man who she deemed worthy, she made her move.  She flirted shamelessly with him all the while keeping her back to the man’s wife.  Her hands were all over him and she giggled at everything he said.  Her husband tried to speak with the wife but she was clearly on high alert that this woman was not someone with whom she wanted to be involved.   When she thought she had this man’s interest, she walked away and made her way to the dance floor.  She was putting on a show that nobody seemed interested in watching, including her husband and the couple with whom she had just interacted.  

We lost sight of this woman during the evening but later on they walked past us on their way out of the club.  I overheard her telling the manager that the crowd was sub par at best, a huge disappointment for such a well known club.  

There is no place in the lifestyle for this type of person.  Swingers pride themselves on their warmth and friendliness.   That is what sets them apart from the rest of the world.  There is no rule that says you must play with everyone you speak with or even that you must become friends.  There is, however, an understanding of common courtesy towards others. 

Most people we have encountered in the lifestyle are looking for fun.  They want to feel free to let their hair down and enjoy themselves.  When they encounter someone like this, they simply move away.   People are not attracted to others who hold themselves in such high regard that they try to make others feel bad about themselves.  This is not high school and the last thing any swinger is looking for is drama.

These types of people rarely make more than one appearance at lifestyle events because it soon becomes apparent to them that they are too good for everyone. (That’s a good thing!) It is however, a good lesson for others to learn.  Nobody likes someone who feels that they are better than others. It doesn’t matter if the person is extremely attractive, very wealthy, has a very high powered job or is famous. When you are at a lifestyle event, none of that matters.  The people who have the most success in the lifestyle are the friendly ones.  If you are warm and inviting, you will attract other couples.  

Why most Americans are so shy about sex and sexuality and how being in the lifestyle helps change that.

Americans can be very shy both about their bodies and about sex.  Foreigners tend to be quite surprised that there are any people from America in the lifestyle and even more shocked when they learn that they actually swing!  Before you start yelling at the computer screen that this not true, let’s take a look.

The nude beach seems like a good place to start.  Sure, there are many Americans who do go to clothing optional beaches and for the most part not only are they naked, but they seem comfortable without their clothing.  The question is, how did they feel the first time someone suggested they go?  Were they ready to throw their clothing off when they arrived or was there some hesitation?  Almost every person I have asked has told me they could never have imagined they would actually be naked in public like that.  They had no frame of reference for this; as a child their parents were never naked in front of them and modesty was always practiced in their homes.  Most agreed that seeing children on the beach (even very young children) makes them uncomfortable when they are naked.  In contrast, there are also many foreigners who frequent nude beaches and they have no problem taking off their clothing and have either brought their children to the beach over the years or see no problem at all with having them there.
Have you ever had a conversation with foreign people about masturbation?  They freely discuss that they think this is very healthy and that everyone does it.  The Americans in the crowd are blushing and not engaging in the conversation.   Although chances are that they masturbate just as often as the people talking about it, they remain silent.   Without a doubt, men seem to have no compunction fondling themselves in the back rooms of most swing clubs (Americans and foreigners alike).   Almost every time I have seen a woman touching herself in a swing club, she was foreign.
Breastfeeding in public remains a point of contention for new mothers across the US as people continue to give them a hard time.  The moms insist this is a natural thing to do and they are tired of sitting in restrooms while their babies are being fed.  For places that “tolerate” breast feeding in public, they insist the mother cover the baby with a towel or blanket so their breasts are not exposed.  Why are we so embarrassed to see a woman’s breast?
Even television programs are different.  American broadcasting has plenty of porn but no shows which deal openly and honestly about our bodies or sexuality.  It seems a little odd to me that we are ok with watching people have sex as long as we don’t talk about it.  We have stations at home that carry international broadcasting and it is shocking to see the difference.  There is a foreign station that is dedicated to human sexuality and the shows are wonderfully informative.  We watched a show the other day about vaginas and how different they can look, complete with naked women showing theirs and talking candidly about what they like and dislike about them.   We have seen shows about masturbation, penises, breasts and how to make women and men achieve orgasm. The shows are entertaining and honest.  The first time I watched I was shocked that people showed their faces while they spoke about what makes them feel good.  Clearly the only one who was embarrassed by this was me, the only American!
The lifestyle has many benefits and this seems to be another one.  It allows us to learn to be comfortable both when we are naked and when we are having sex in public.  There is no question that many people would argue that having sex in public has no value but I must disagree.  In order to enjoy sex you must be comfortable both in your own skin and with what you are doing.  When you see so many different body types and positions and scenarios, it allows you to realize that we spend too much time focusing on the wrong things when it comes to sex.  Both men and women seem to be more interested in finding people who enjoy playing than in looking for the perfect body or face.   There are people who have very definite preferences of body types they enjoy playing with but don’t be so sure you know what people look for.   Perhaps if we could be more open and accepting of our bodies and our sexuality we could enjoy sex even more.  Lucky are those who have embraced the lifestyle as it is impossible to remain a prude while swinging.  I am absolutely certain that people in the lifestyle have developed a much healthier view of their bodies and their sexuality because they have chosen to swing.
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