When our children left for college, we discovered swinging!

Swinging couples taking shots wearing Partners ID jewelry

When our children left for college, we discovered we were bored. After venturing out to a strip club and meeting a bunch of swingers our lives have changed!

Hi Partners ID!

My name is Marie and my husband’s name is Larry. We love reading all the stories from your ( swinger) customers  so we thought we would chime in. Ours is different from any other story we have read so far.

Larry and I met in high school and got married when we graduated from college. We had three children and lived a pretty atypical suburban life. Over the past 20 years or so, we basically devoted our time and energy to raising our children and building a business.

Our youngest child left for college a few years ago. Like many other empty nesters, we looked at each other and wondered “now what”?

We traveled, took up golf and tried to find ways to keep the marriage happy. Our sex life was nothing to speak of but we were still very much in love.

One evening when we were trying to pick a movie to go and see my husband told me he was honestly tired of our routine. When I asked him if he had something in mind, he said he did. He announced that he wanted us to go to a strip club. I am willing to try just about anything once, so I said it was worth a try.

He told me he had done some research (not surprising) and had one picked out. I was a little nervous as this was my first time, but at the same time I was excited to go. We stopped to grab a quick bite to eat and a drink before heading over.

I was surprised at how nice the place was and never expected to see so many couples. I had imagined it would be mostly single men but I was wrong. We sat at a table and watched the girls parade around the place. A few came over and wanted to dance for us. At first I said no but after a few more drinks I was open to the idea.

We spent a few hours there and as it got later in the night we noticed a group sitting at a table near ours. There were about 8 couples all around a large table drinking and laughing and having a good time. The couples looked to be about our age and the women were dressed very sexy. After a while I noticed that some of the women were kissing more than one man and even kissing each other! My husband and I spent more time watching this group than the naked girls parading in front of us.

I had to use the restroom and when I returned, two women from that group were talking to my husband. I walked over and they quickly turned to me and introduced themselves. They were extremely friendly but it was odd to me that these women would approach my husband like this. They asked if we came to this place often and we explained it was our first time. They told us they frequently stopped here after a night at a swing club not far away.  A swing club?!  Really!

They invited us to come and sit with them. I was totally taken off guard. When do people ever try to pick up a couple? Weird!!! We agreed but my husband said we’d sit for a few minutes and leave. They offered us drinks and everyone was so friendly. I can honestly say I had never seen a group of people this friendly in my life. We had a few drinks and laughed and then I got up the nerve to ask about the swing club. They were all swingers and they pointed to their necklaces. I had never seen one before and had no idea what it meant. They explained that they wear the jewelry to meet other swingers. One of them slipped it off her neck and put it on my neck. She made me promise that I would wear it next weekend and we would try the swing club they had come from.

Believe it or not, we did indeed go and it was amazing! We had such a blast dancing and drinking with our new found friends. There was nothing awkward or uncomfortable about the entire first night.  Before this whole adventure, if you told us we would go out with a bunch of swingers we would have laughed.  If you told us we would become swingers, we would have told you you were crazy!  We did not go into the room in the back right away. It wasn’t until our 5th visit that we ventured back there.

This happened a year ago and we are not only regulars at the swing club, but we both own a piece of the jewelry and wear it all the time. My husband met a man when he was playing golf who approached him. We have been out with that couple several times as well.

We love the lifestyle, we love swingers and we love your jewelry!

Thanks!

Marie and Larry

Atlanta, GA

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Pegging; what is it and why is it supposed to be so pleasurable?  Is it a gateway to bisexual play?

 

 

It seems when you are in the lifestyle, you need to stay current with swinger’s vocabulary words.   Every time I think I have mastered it, I hear a new term that makes me run for my phone to look it up.  Today, the word of the day is “pegging”.  What is pegging?  It is when a woman penetrates a man’s ass, either with her finger, a dildo, vibrator or a strap on.   Most couples say that it begins with a woman using her finger and over time progresses to something more. 

Although the activity is not new, I was not aware that there was a word to describe it.   I can remember many years ago my husband mentioning that during play with another couple, the woman had inserted her finger into his ass.  He said that if anyone had seen his facial expression at that moment, he is certain, they would have laughed out loud.  He told me that it was almost a cartoonish expression with his eyes wide open and a look of complete shock on his face.  He was not expecting it and she was not subtle about her approach.  When I asked if he liked it, he said he was too shocked to say one way or the other.

One thing that people tend to want others to know, is that pegging is not in any way a “gay thing”.  Pegging takes place between a man and a woman so those who engage in this type of play want others to understand this.  Pegging does require a man to relinquish his role as the dominant partner and become the submissive partner.  For some men, they are simply not comfortable with this, for those who can do this, they swear by the benefit.

Pegging causes stimulation directly to the prostate gland.  The prostate gland is supposed to be so sensitive that simply stimulating this gland can bring men to orgasms that are much stronger than the traditional kind achieved by penile stimulation.   There is also a heavy supply of nerve endings in the anus which when touched, provide a tremendous amount of pleasure. 

Is this ever a gateway to bisexual play?  Although many men swear that it is not, many men say that it was for them.  Prior to pegging, they had no interest in other men but after experiencing the sensation that pegging created, they became curious and open.  While again, not all men follow this route, some do.  

What does the woman get out of this?  Many women have discovered strap ons that have vibrators built in which stimulate their clit during play.  This allows both the man and the woman to have simultaneous pleasure.  Other couples say that pegging was what opened them up to MFM play where the second male is behind the woman.  

There is no room in the lifestyle for judgment.  Everyone is there to live out their sexual fantasies.  If something feels good, people should be open to exploring.  Often, couples enter the lifestyle because their significant other is not open to certain types of play.  They are there looking for the experience with someone who is willing.   

Pegging is said to be very enjoyable but all men said the same thing:  this is not an activity to surprise someone with.  It is better to discuss this beforehand and to take things slow.

We already know that bisexuality amongst men is frowned upon in most swing clubs.  They have a policy that basically lets men know that they are free to do as they please behind closed doors in private rooms but there is no tolerance for public displays of male on male contact.  It seems that for many couples, this extends to pegging.  Even when it is from woman to man, this is generally done in private rooms.  Although I have personally witnessed women doing this, it’s not common to see.  

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The down and the dirty; what turns people off when swinging?

Swinging woman in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry
Annoyed woman in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry

In a perfect world, swingers and swinging would be perfect.  We all know from experience, that nothing is perfect.  We all wish we could simply educate people as to what not to do in the lifestyle, but that would be rude.  So instead, simply send this blog out in a mass email and hope for the best!

So what are people doing that we find so annoying?  Let’s start with a list:

  1. Body odor (any kind, doesn’t matter where or why)
  2. Bad breath (probably could be included under number 1 but want to make sure people see this)
  3. Poor hygiene
  4. Talking during sex.  (We will explain later)
  5. Cheering from the stands (obviously only when you’re swinging in a club or group setting)
  6. Someone telling you what to do and how to do it
  7. When someone tries to do something unconventional without asking
  8. Having someone tell you how much you like what they are doing to you
  9. When someone asks: “Did you cum yet?”
  10. Telling couples that you are so shy and new but the reality is exactly the opposite.  
  11.   Attention seekers.
  12.   Snobs
  13.   People who impose their fantasies on other people.
  14.   Calling others over to join in while you are playing.

Let’s start with the body odor.  This is pretty self explanatory.  Nobody wants to play with someone who smells.  Not hair, underarms, genitals or any place else.  It’s just gross.  For everyone’s sake, please make sure to shower and wear clean clothing when you go out to swing.  Put on deodorant and heck, wear some cologne or perfume, it can’t hurt!  Body odor is a deal breaker for most couples in the lifestyle.  

Bad breath is a common problem but pretty easy to solve.  Take your pick:  breath mints, breath strips, chewing gum, mouth wash, or mouth spray.  We are not picky, just make sure to use it as often as you need it!  We are always confused when one person has very bad breath and their significant other doesn’t tell them.  We are alway trying to figure out if the significant other has become immune to the smell; why else wouldn’t they alert their partner?

It’s hard to believe that poor hygiene is actually a problem that some swingers encounter, but it is.  It would seem that when people are headed out to meet others for sex, good hygiene would be a priority.  Sadly, this is not always the case. I am sure that these people have a tough time finding others to play with.  

Talking during sex can be a real turn off for some people.  To be in the moment with your partner requires a certain amount of concentration.  No matter how funny that joke is, it can wait.  It’s a huge turn off when someone interrupts your kissing to tell you something.  If the building’s not on fire, whatever you have to say can wait. 

Cheering from the stands is high on many people’s list of things they hate.  We don’t need your comments or applause when we are playing.  If you enjoy watching, fine, do it, but please don’t give us your two cents.  Don’t cheer us on to cum or for him to keep going.  It’s a mood killer and it seems nobody wants to hear it.

While many of us can appreciate that some people have a very specific way of playing, giving too many instructions to your partner can be annoying.  Do this, push harder, go deeper, turn right, turn left etc. is not a huge turn on for most people.   If we need an instruction manual to play with you, we’d rather just not play with you at all.  

Not everyone is open to everything and this can sometimes be a problem  If you are thinking double penetration or anything anal related, it’s probably a good thing to ask your partner first.  The same goes for men touching men.  Better to be upfront about what you are hoping for then to surprise a couple when they are in a compromising position.  The same goes for playing bareback.  If you and your partner prefer to play without condoms, don’t assume that everyone shares your views.  This is something that should be discussed ahead of time.  If a man hands you a condom when you are playing with his wife, he expects you to put it on.  Don’t try to simply “slip it in” to see if you can get away without one.  Also, please don’t tell us your too big and no condom will fit.

We all know when we are enjoying ourselves and when something feels good to us.  Unless you are the type who lies there staring at the ceiling, you probably do something to let your partner know you are enjoying what they are doing.  The last thing anyone needs to hear from the person they are playing with is, “That feels so good for you, right?”  “You like that.”  Especially when it is said over and over.  That can be extremely irritating.

This is somewhat related to the above problem.  It’s natural to make some type of noise when you orgasm.  This usually allows your partner to know when it happens.  There have been men who have made me scream and not long after will turn to me and ask me if I came.  Seriously?  You didn’t know?  Are they asking just to hear you say yes?  I am never sure.  

This seems to be a growing trend:  meeting a couple and the woman tells you that they are very new to the lifestyle.  She says she has never played, she is very shy and unsure about the whole thing.  Maybe everyone can take it slow and she can just play touchy feely with the other woman.  No sooner is everyone naked and she’s grinding away with your partner.  To top things off, she tells the group her fantasy has always been double penetration.  WHOA!! What?!  You are left with your mouth open while she screws your guy and hers and you are left to watch.  What just happened?  Sometimes the man she is with is just as shocked and he is so busy watching her that he can’t even get an erection!  While we have no objection to anyone that wants to play, why not be honest from the get go?

Attention seekers are annoying to everyone.  They are the loudest and most annoying people in the lifestyle.  When everyone else is lying down, they are standing on the mattress, when people are sitting down, they are dancing.  You know who they are and nobody wants to be with them.  They are always screaming with pleasure and most people would like to put a pillow over their mouth.

Snobs are always low on the totem pole.  Nobody likes to associate with someone who is too good for them.  They walk around acting like everyone is lucky to be in their presence.  They are generally not very successful with swingers.

Everyone has a fantasy but that does not mean we all share the same ones.  If your fantasy is something that others might not be ok with, better to play them out at home.  Golden showers and other bodily oddities don’t fly with everyone.  Nobody likes to find themselves with a partner who is asking something outrageous of them.  If your fantasy is something out of the ordinary it might be a good idea to ask people before hand.  Their facial expression should be a good indication as to whether they are ok with this.

When you are playing with another person or couple, they can sometimes get caught up in the moment and decide to share their good time with others who are around.  That might be fine but it is always best to ask the people you are playing with before you do this.  Randomly inviting others to join in is not always appreciated.  Many people like to know the people they play with or have certain standards by which they choose others to play with.  When a couple simply waves another couple (or single man) over to join in, this can make people unhappy and uncomfortable.  

Swinging can be a lot of fun but sometimes people do things to ruin the experience.  These are just some of the problems people encounter that can be a real turn off.  If you swing and have discovered that you rarely get a second chance to play with the same couples, you might want to take a look at some of the reasons people might try to avoid playing with you.   Most of the pet peeves that irritate people are easy to fix.  

 

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How’s that snobby attitude working for you? Why cocky people don’t have success in the lifestyle.

Snobby woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Snobby woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

How’s that snobby attitude working for you?

Everyone has come across that person in the lifestyle.   You know who they are; standing around scoffing at others in a lifestyle environment.  In their mind, they are too superior to be surrounded by such, well, inferior people.  They think are the very definition of beauty and intellect  You can’t miss them, they stand around with their nose in the air.   Thankfully, they are not the norm but it doesn’t make it any easier to stomach them when they show up.

Why on earth do some people have such an attitude of superiority?  Nothing like a healthy dose of self confidence!  If these people are as irresistible as they tend to believe, why are they so frequently alone?

We watched a woman like this just last night.  She was not nearly as attractive as she imagined she was but her attitude was so awful, we could barely stop staring at her.  (Perhaps this is why she has so much confidence!  People stare at her not because she’s so beautiful, but rather because she’s so obnoxious!)  

This particular woman held her head high in the air and watched to make sure everyone looked at her as they walked past her.  Needless to say, most people did not give her a second look but she kept at it.  Any time a woman walked past her, she would laugh, as if to let the other woman that know she didn’t approve of her look.  She would throw her head back, point at the woman and whisper in her husband’s ear.  It was hard not to say something to her (or smack her).  It was so incredibly rude.

Her husband tried for a long time to coerce her to mingle with other couples but she was not interested.  When she finally spotted a man who she deemed worthy, she made her move.  She flirted shamelessly with him all the while keeping her back to the man’s wife.  Her hands were all over him and she giggled at everything he said.  Her husband tried to speak with the wife but she was clearly on high alert that this woman was not someone with whom she wanted to be involved.   When she thought she had this man’s interest, she walked away and made her way to the dance floor.  She was putting on a show that nobody seemed interested in watching, including her husband and the couple with whom she had just interacted.  

We lost sight of this woman during the evening but later on they walked past us on their way out of the club.  I overheard her telling the manager that the crowd was sub par at best, a huge disappointment for such a well known club.  

There is no place in the lifestyle for this type of person.  Swingers pride themselves on their warmth and friendliness.   That is what sets them apart from the rest of the world.  There is no rule that says you must play with everyone you speak with or even that you must become friends.  There is, however, an understanding of common courtesy towards others. 

Most people we have encountered in the lifestyle are looking for fun.  They want to feel free to let their hair down and enjoy themselves.  When they encounter someone like this, they simply move away.   People are not attracted to others who hold themselves in such high regard that they try to make others feel bad about themselves.  This is not high school and the last thing any swinger is looking for is drama.

These types of people rarely make more than one appearance at lifestyle events because it soon becomes apparent to them that they are too good for everyone. (That’s a good thing!) It is however, a good lesson for others to learn.  Nobody likes someone who feels that they are better than others. It doesn’t matter if the person is extremely attractive, very wealthy, has a very high powered job or is famous. When you are at a lifestyle event, none of that matters.  The people who have the most success in the lifestyle are the friendly ones.  If you are warm and inviting, you will attract other couples.  

The pitfalls of relying on social media to meet other swingers.

Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry

Social media has become a way of life for most people. We have email, instant messaging and text at our finger tips. When we wanted to communicate in the past, we picked up a phone and called someone. Now it has become much easier and more popular to just shoot a message to someone. With this surge in use of nonverbal communication has come some problems. When we speak in person with someone, they can hear our intonations as we speak. They can hear our excitement, our anger, if we pause they can rethink what they said and try to explain on the spot, etc. When we read a message, at times, we can misinterpret what they writer is trying to convey to us.

How does this affect swingers looking for other swingers?

Simply put, when a couple is attempting to communicate with another couple and they rely on a messaging platform, things they write can be misconstrued. It becomes especially touchy when these couples have never met. Sometimes a person has a sense of humor that will come across in their messages. If you don’t know that this person is sarcastic, for example, you might misinterpret them as being arrogant. A person who is shy might come across as being disinterested. Perhaps one couple is very busy and so there can be a long delay between messages. If english is the person’s second language, their writing might be seen as a lack of intelligence or education. In any case, the couples might decide against meeting each other for reasons that are not valid.

The other problem that is rampant is many couples disregard for the truth. The number one complaint seems to be the outdated photos that many couples choose to post. Regardless of how attractive and fit you were ten years ago, that no longer represents what you look like today. If you are afraid that people will not be attracted by your current photos, this is not a reason to post old ones. After all, you will eventually meet in person and the first thing they will notice, is that you do not look like your pictures. Many people say that they do this because although people might not like their pictures, they are sure they can win them over if they meet in person. The truth is, it does not work like this. We have heard many couples talk about how when they spotted the couple they had arranged to meet and realized they did not look like their photos, they turned around and left.

The other problems with swinger profiles is lying about age and not being truthful about what you are looking for. If you do not have experience or are not totally comfortable with swapping, be honest. At some point, all of your lies will become apparent to the couples that you meet and then it is awkward for everyone. Don’t shave 10 years off of your age and then be surprised when the couple who agrees to meet you is not interested. Don’t expect another couple to “take it slow” if you have written that you are full swap and have tons of experience. Honesty goes a long way in making encounters successful and enjoyable. You will find couples to match with if you let them know who you really are.

Facetime and Skype have given us the ability to chat live and perhaps this is the best way to be sure that the couple in the pictures look the same in person. This also allows you to speak in “real time” and avoid the problems that messaging can cause. Let’s not forget that in some areas, people have to travel quite a distance to meet each other. Areas that do not have a swing club or any type of meet and greet tend to be remote. This causes them to be dependent upon messaging.

When messaging with other couples just remember how many times your chats with family and friends have been misunderstood. Not because of what you wrote necessarily, but rather the way the reader interpreted what you meant to say or how you meant to say it. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always try to connect either by video chat or on the phone. This allows you the comfort of hearing what someone is saying and how they are saying it.

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Sexual adventures are the new weekend activity of choice for people of all ages!

Sexual adventures are fun! Woman wearing Partners ID choker
Woman wearing Partners ID choker

Is it my imagination or have alternative sexual lifestyles exploded?

When I say lifestyle, naturally, swingers think I am talking about swingers. For the sake of this blog, I am not only talking about swingers but rather, every sexual lifestyle. This includes anyone who enjoys sex in a “non-traditional” sense. It could be an exotic dancer, an escort, a swinger, people who are into fetish, kink, etc.

Let us take Twitter as an example.

There are so many Twitter pages for escorts, dating services, kink, sex, porn and the like. If you check their followers, many are into the hundreds of thousands. What does that mean? Assuming the followers are real, there are a lot of people out there who are interested in sex. Many of these pages do not post naked or provocative photos so it’s not just the perverts who are following. Many simply try to sell something, like escort services and dating sites, while others are more informative with blogs and the like.

So who are all these people following them?

If I had to guess, I would say that almost everyone has a sexual itch that needs to be scratched, and this is a safe way to scratch. Many, because of their upbringing, are afraid to act on it and so the internet provides them with a safe way to explore this.

Are people more sexual today than they were in the past or do we just feel more free to express ourselves?

It would seem with religion becoming less important to people, attitudes have relaxed and people feel more comfortable exploring their sexuality. When we learn about sexual immortality from the past, it show us that it did indeed exist, it just wasn’t talked about and was not socially acceptable.

Everyday, it seems, I learn about new sex clubs by following people on Twitter. It used to be called the “underground” but since many of the articles I find are from the NY Post and other popular newspapers and magazines that must be changing. Sex is always a human interest story and I’m assuming that each time they run these kinds of articles they notice a surge in readers. After all, who doesn’t want to read about what kind of sexual activity their friends and neighbors might be involved in.

Are more people taking advantage of this new liberated way of thinking?

There is no question that people feel more comfortable and confidant to explore their sexual desires today. Most sex clubs and escort services were illegal in the past. Many people were afraid to be involved with these types of activities for fear of exposure. It was possible to be arrested if you were a patron and so only the bravest ( or the most desperate) of people were willing to take this risk. Strip clubs were dominated by men in the past but walk into one today and you will see that women can out number the men on any given night.

Sex has become chic; sexual adventures are the new go to for Saturday night fun.

If you belong to a sex club or swing club you are hip. There is no shame in bringing an escort to a party or a club. Strippers have become exotic dancers and with the name change, came a change in the way people view them. If you are bisexual, into BDSM or have an open marriage, it’s ok. People have become more curious than they are judgmental.

There is a club I read about in The New York Post called The New Society For Wellness: A Club For The Adventurous. The club tells the Post:
NSFW now has 700 members — all meeting Saynt’s (the owner) criteria of attractive, successful, avid social-media users — with an average age of 28. There are 300 more people on the waiting list, and more than 9,000 other applicants who didn’t make the cut.

Although some might doubt the 9,000 applicants, I do not have any doubt at all. This is not to say that everyone is ok with alternative sexual life-styles, but it seems that as time goes on, less people are concerned with what other people think. This has allowed them to pursue sexual lifestyles that appeal to them.

Who are all these people that have become more open minded and  sexually adventurous?

It used to be thought that swingers were a group of middle aged, over weight, unattractive, married couples. If you were to visit a swing club today, you would find many swingers to be exactly the opposite. Most are very stylish, successful, fit people. Some are married, some single, but many are people you would never suspect of being swingers. Some popular clubs boast an average of 250-300 couples regularly on Saturday nights. The need to sign up for a membership, complete with your driver’s license, does not seem to be a deterrent.

Age is no longer a factor for sexual adventure. It used to be mainly middle aged people who were bored in their marriages who were looking for something else. Today, as we see with the club in NY, many are as young as early twenties. It can’t be that they are bored with sex so perhaps it is simply with the ability to read about other lifestyles. Man young people, it seems, are both curious and open minded.

Sex is something pleasurable and should be enjoyed.

Let’s face it, sex feels good.  People today are more honest about this fact.  We enjoy sex both for the physical and the emotional connection it affords us.  Although some people will argue that it is solely meant to be shared between two people in a loving relationship, it seems this perspective is changing with the times. We may not all agree with what constitutes a ‘normal’ or a ‘healthy’ lifestyle, one thing is for sure: sex is a part of most adults lives.  We should feel free to explore what works for us, and thankfully it seems with time, this is happening.

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Vanilla friends vs. lifestyle friends; who is more fun?

Woman wearing Partners ID bracelet bored by vanilla conversation
Bored woman wearing Partners ID bracelet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love our vanilla friends, really, I do, but a night with them can be very long!

Vanilla friends are great.  We have had some vanilla friends for many years and although they might suspect we are in the lifestyle (or something, they’re not sure exactly what we are up to), we have never spoken about it with them.

We try to go out from time to time with our vanilla friends as we hold them dear and do not want to lose their friendship.  However, as much as I like them, spending too much time with them can be a drag.  The conversations can sometimes seem so pointless and boring that I stop paying attention and my mind wanders.  I find myself wondering if they still have sex, if they still enjoy it, if she dresses up for him, etc.  

Finally, at one point during the evening, one of the men tells a joke.  The joke is:  ‘How does a man know if he needs to take Viagra?’  The answer: ‘Just put him in a room with a hot, naked, younger woman and he will know right away.’

As soon as he finished telling the joke, he apologized and explained that it is really just meant for men to hear.  (You can imagine my expression.)  I told him that I disagreed with both the joke and the notion that women shouldn’t hear it.  My husband was cringing and poking my leg, trying to subtly remind me that we were with vanilla folk.  I explained that the joke could be used for women as well.  Put a young, hot naked guy in a room with a middle aged woman and see if she gets turned on.  The first comment from vanilla man:  Women don’t have to get an erection to have sex so it doesn’t make sense.  I pointed out that women have to get wet and he quickly told me that this is what lube is for.  I started to explain that it might surprise him that women can get wet when turned on but realized better to avoid this conversation altogether.  

The other part of this joke that I disagreed with was the notion that you put a married, middle aged man (who may or may not need Viagra) with a young, naked woman and he will instantly get an erection.  As most of us have seen in the lifestyle, it rarely works like that.  Nothing seems to kill an erection like a situation such as this.  When men feel the pressure to perform, this is when he most likely will need that Viagra.  Most men who are new to swinging will tell you they never missed an erection until they found themselves in this situation.  I did not share this information with the group.

That was the only time anything interesting was spoken about.  I am not a complete pervert and do not need to talk about sex to find a conversation interesting, but here are a few of the other topics we touched on that evening:  What time we go to bed and wake up, the moon, our children, fabrics for sofas, driving too fast, cars, how iguanas are now visible around our neighborhood, etc.  There were times when I thought the conversation might become more titillating, but it never took that direction.

Some of these couples spend several nights each week together and I wondered what on earth they talk about.   I wanted to try to provoke them by bringing up a spicier topic but was afraid it was the alcohol and chose to keep quiet.   I do remember one time in the past asking them if their children ever spoke with them about sex.  It was like a tennis match where everyone’s head turned in unison to look at me.  Not really, they all agreed.  They didn’t even ask if mine do…

Although I do like my vanilla friends, they are nice people and I enjoy seeing them from time to time, I much prefer my lifestyle friends.  Our conversations are never dull and I never feel like I have to filter what I want to say.  We talk about everything and anything.  We share hilarious stories about the lifestyle and swinging, we compare notes about toys, we try on each others slut wear and shoes and we share our husbands.  We went to a restaurant with lifestyle friends recently and we switched husbands for the evening.  I was her husband’s date and my friend was my husband’s date.  It was silly but fun.  

We have conversations about double penetration, gang bangs, girl on girl sex, mishaps with condoms, bi sexual men, the nude beach, etc.  There is nothing boring about these topics.  Sure, we talk about our kids and business, but it is not limited to topics such as those.

This is one of many perks of being apart of the lifestyle.  There are no taboo topics, nobody is embarrassed by sexual conversations and gatherings are never boring.  I can remember not long ago, a friend of ours was telling a story about a party he went to and thought he got his dick stuck in a girls ass.  I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.

Life is too short to be uptight.  Let your hair down and do what makes you happy.  It’s ok to be silly and sexy, after all, you’re not hurting anyone.  I am not saying that my vanilla friends aren’t happy, they seem to be, but I truly believe that the freedom lifestyle couples discover, leads to increased happiness.  Try it!

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Why most Americans are so shy about sex and sexuality and how being in the lifestyle helps change that.

Americans can be very shy both about their bodies and about sex.  Foreigners tend to be quite surprised that there are any people from America in the lifestyle and even more shocked when they learn that they actually swing!  Before you start yelling at the computer screen that this not true, let’s take a look.

The nude beach seems like a good place to start.  Sure, there are many Americans who do go to clothing optional beaches and for the most part not only are they naked, but they seem comfortable without their clothing.  The question is, how did they feel the first time someone suggested they go?  Were they ready to throw their clothing off when they arrived or was there some hesitation?  Almost every person I have asked has told me they could never have imagined they would actually be naked in public like that.  They had no frame of reference for this; as a child their parents were never naked in front of them and modesty was always practiced in their homes.  Most agreed that seeing children on the beach (even very young children) makes them uncomfortable when they are naked.  In contrast, there are also many foreigners who frequent nude beaches and they have no problem taking off their clothing and have either brought their children to the beach over the years or see no problem at all with having them there.
Have you ever had a conversation with foreign people about masturbation?  They freely discuss that they think this is very healthy and that everyone does it.  The Americans in the crowd are blushing and not engaging in the conversation.   Although chances are that they masturbate just as often as the people talking about it, they remain silent.   Without a doubt, men seem to have no compunction fondling themselves in the back rooms of most swing clubs (Americans and foreigners alike).   Almost every time I have seen a woman touching herself in a swing club, she was foreign.
Breastfeeding in public remains a point of contention for new mothers across the US as people continue to give them a hard time.  The moms insist this is a natural thing to do and they are tired of sitting in restrooms while their babies are being fed.  For places that “tolerate” breast feeding in public, they insist the mother cover the baby with a towel or blanket so their breasts are not exposed.  Why are we so embarrassed to see a woman’s breast?
Even television programs are different.  American broadcasting has plenty of porn but no shows which deal openly and honestly about our bodies or sexuality.  It seems a little odd to me that we are ok with watching people have sex as long as we don’t talk about it.  We have stations at home that carry international broadcasting and it is shocking to see the difference.  There is a foreign station that is dedicated to human sexuality and the shows are wonderfully informative.  We watched a show the other day about vaginas and how different they can look, complete with naked women showing theirs and talking candidly about what they like and dislike about them.   We have seen shows about masturbation, penises, breasts and how to make women and men achieve orgasm. The shows are entertaining and honest.  The first time I watched I was shocked that people showed their faces while they spoke about what makes them feel good.  Clearly the only one who was embarrassed by this was me, the only American!
The lifestyle has many benefits and this seems to be another one.  It allows us to learn to be comfortable both when we are naked and when we are having sex in public.  There is no question that many people would argue that having sex in public has no value but I must disagree.  In order to enjoy sex you must be comfortable both in your own skin and with what you are doing.  When you see so many different body types and positions and scenarios, it allows you to realize that we spend too much time focusing on the wrong things when it comes to sex.  Both men and women seem to be more interested in finding people who enjoy playing than in looking for the perfect body or face.   There are people who have very definite preferences of body types they enjoy playing with but don’t be so sure you know what people look for.   Perhaps if we could be more open and accepting of our bodies and our sexuality we could enjoy sex even more.  Lucky are those who have embraced the lifestyle as it is impossible to remain a prude while swinging.  I am absolutely certain that people in the lifestyle have developed a much healthier view of their bodies and their sexuality because they have chosen to swing.
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